Uncategorized – Page 12 – Akunna Ezekwem

December 4, 2012January 23, 2018

What Can You See?

Can you sense the emptiness I feel,

The loneliness that surrounds me,

The forced smiles I give?

I look at you knowing that the emotions you have aren’t real.

Can you hear my heart wailing,

The silent sobs that leak out,

The momentary deep breaths that I take?

Knowing that I am just another girl standing in line for you, waiting.

Can you see the invisible tears I struggle to hold back,

The crack in my voice,

The tremble in my fingers?

I’m just trying to be strong, not like I have a choice.

Can you feel this love that torments me,

The desperacy in my words,

The pensive look in my eyes?

I’ve got that somber feeling that is unrevealing to people.

Can you see the hurt in my eyes,

The pain in my soul,

The reluctance in my body?

That’s me trying to stop myself from holding something that I do not own.

Love,

December 2, 2012January 23, 2018

A Bit Too Dramatic.

Once upon a time…

You held me a bit too close,

Kissed me a bit too intimately,

Loved me a bit too recklessly,

Fucked me a bit too fiercely

It was beginning to seem a bit too perfect.

Until you…

Left a bit too soon,

Gave up on me a bit too early,

Hurt me a bit too ruthlessly,

Left a scar a bit too deep,

Put me through a bit too much.

And now…

I’m a bit too worried,

That we have grown a bit too far apart,

Wanting you back seems a bit too impossible,

And this is a bit too upsetting.

It’s a pity I fell a bit too hard for you.

Love,

November 28, 2012March 7, 2014

Always wanted to…However.

I’ve always wanted to be close to crying

Get that funny feeling in my mouth

And then stop myself from bursting out

However, I don’t trust myself to hold back the tears

I’ve always wanted to run through the hills

Sing at the top of my voice

And understand how it feels

However, I don’t trust myself to come back home

I’ve always wanted to let go

Stop trying to hold on

And release myself from every form of attachment

However, I don’t trust myself to deal with the feeling of nostalgia

I’ve always wanted to deal with the pain

Harden my heart

And let my feelings gradually go away

However, I don’t trust myself to go back to being human

I’ve always wanted to show emotions

Anger, Sadness, Fear, Envy

And Love, Kindness, Hope, Pity

However, I don’t trust myself to be strong again

I’ve always wanted to be in a relationship

Forget about every other boy

And stop my heart from being this empty void

However, I don’t trust myself to deal with it all when it’s over

Love,

November 19, 2012January 23, 2018

Run Far Away.

I want to run far away

Take off my leach and go astray

Up and down the hills

Through the valley

Across the seas

And pass every alley

I want to run into the dark

Dive in and swim with the sharks

To wander off and find myself in a peaceful park

It’s almost impossible to deal with

This whole love thing is beginning to sound like a myth

I want to run to a place called paradise

My spirit longs to move but my feet seem paralyzed

All these mishaps have left me nothing but traumatized

I need to be fearless, I need to be strong

Whip out my iPod and listen to my favorite song

I want to run to my lover

Someone to love me from now till forever

Hold me close underneath the covers

Maybe only then will this finally be over

However, who he is, I’m yet to discover

I want to run to somewhere new

My boat trip has been long overdue

All dressed in white, I guess I’m part of the crew

Across the sea, ever so calm and ever so blue

I want to stand on the deck and for once, enjoy the view

I can’t bear to stay here, let alone make it through

(Forgive my rubbish punctuation, we cant all be perfect at english)

Love,

November 15, 2012January 23, 2018

This _____ Of Mine.

This love of mine,

Unreal as you may be,

One day you will be true,

You will not be unrequited.

This infatuation of mine,

Physically attractive as you may be,

One day you will die,

You will not compel me to act stupidly.

This craving of mine,

Desirable as you may be,

One day, I will be able to overcome you,

You will not control me.

This imaginary boyfriend of mine,

Affectionate and perfect as you may be,

One day I will have you,

You will become a reality.

This hurt of mine,

Ever present as you may be,

One day you will be overpowered by joy,

You will flee from me.

These tears of mine,

Salty and unexpected as you may be,

One day your presence will not be needed,

You will only be used to reduce the friction in my eyes when blinking.

This body of mine,

Imperfect as you may be,

One day you will know love,

You will mature and stop squirming when touched slightly.

This heart of mine,

Weak as you may be,

One day you will heal,

You will know love.

You will not hurt.

You will not bleed with pain.

You will not pour out excessive hemoglobin.

You will not crave the thing that causes you pain.

You will be saved and treated with care.

You will be able to repair the multiple cracks I have made in your soft, delicate and flexible muscles.

Love,
A
X

November 12, 2012March 7, 2014

Can’t Think Of What To Call This So, Eventually, This Title Might Need A Little Alteration.

It was her first time and it was supposed to be a memorable occasion. The guy she adored the most, the one who had all of her attention. It started out as mere infatuation. But, from there grew real affection. With that came about the need for perfection. His presence made all of her nerves halt in a uniform formation. Never before had she experienced such fascination. Thinking about him seemed to be her one and only addiction. He touched her, it was the best ever sensation. It felt wrong, something close to subornation. But, she could not resist the temptation. It was not eagerness, it was not desperation. It was supposed to be nothing but a mere invitation. In less than a minute, there was unison, something she referred to as colligation. Now in the act, there was the will to partake in a little exploration. She had never done this before, this brought about excitation. There was a little spark, nothing as serious as electrocution. He watched her the whole time, steady taking note of her reaction.

The deed was done, no need for a standing ovation. However she felt used, she needed clarification. Always thinking and dealing with confusion. She drowned herself in work, a form of distraction. Wanted to be alone, wanted to be in isolation. Her tear glands were starting to lose it, they were starting to malfunction. Was this even real or was this her imagination? How he felt was the big unanswered question. She needed something, a bit more information. A few words from her lover, something to help the situation. Some form of explanation. The love in her heart was starting to undergo diffusion. It had to happen, there was no better solution. Then, there was depression. A big strain in her heart, I’m talking about myocardial infarction. It’s hard to let go and, move on in a different direction. Impossible to look in the mirror and not be judged by her own reflection. She had fallen a bit too hard, moved so fast all because of her slight obsession. It need not be said out loud because, she knew that she had just faced the worst case of rejection.

Love,

November 11, 2012March 7, 2014

Not.

The one that I have is not the one that I want.

Things of the past should not be brought forth.

Mere distance would not set two lovers apart.

It is how you finish that matters not how you start.

Wailing and crying will not solve the problem at hand.

Not every relationship will lead to marriage.

So, calm your titties and do not be so eager to buy a baby carriage.

Losing one battle is not a good reason to give up.

Talking about being ‘full to the brim’, your life is not a cup.

Crying should not be an option. Instead, devote yourself to hard work.

Because, crying does nothing but, bring pity and give fools a reason to talk.

Being heartbroken does not mean you’ll end up with a permanent scar.

Your ugly attitude not your ugly face is what chases people away when they see you coming from afar.

Just because you don’t get what you want does not give you the right to doubt.

I am aware of the fact that the title of this post does not have anything to do with what it is about.

Love,

November 10, 2012March 7, 2014

I Can’t Make You Love Me – Tank

I was going to wait until tomorrow before I post something else but, I happen to be a very impatient child.

It’s past 2 am and I am sat on my bed thinking about rubbish that will never in a million years be of any use to me. It’s hard to explain what it is that I am thinking about. Okay, I lied, it is very easy to explain the rubbish in my head right now but, it’s pretty miserable so, I’d rather not.

I heard this song a few months ago and, had it on replay for a while because, that’s what I always do when I hear a new song that is likable. After a while, it just started to irritate me..you know how it works.

Anyway, I told myself that I’ll never have to listen to this song and think about my situation. That it’ll never have anything to do with me and that I wouldn’t ever know all the words to it. Then again, I tell myself things like ‘Aku you’re hotter than Beyonce’ and ‘Einstein ain’t got nothing on me’ so, it’s hard to believe half of the things I tell myself.

I know my two weeks is up and, I’m supposed to be ‘lust-free’ by now but, I’m not. I may talk about it a little less or, stop smiling when I hear your name or, act like I don’t notice you but, it’s all fake. Even faker than the stupid weave I have on right now. All so people don’t look at me like that poor girl that can’t get who she wants. Ugh.

I always say ‘Depression Cometh By Night’ which is why I like to sleep early. I mean, It is five hours past my bedtime but, I’m here thinking about how “I Can’t Make You Love Me”. This isn’t anyone’s fault seeing as “You Can’t Make Your Heart Feel Something It Won’t”.

‘I’ll close my eyes. Then I won’t see THE LOVE YOU DON’T FEEL WHEN YOU’RE HOLDING ME’ has to be my best and most painful line. Only because that’s exactly what I did when….

Love,
A
x

November 10, 2012March 7, 2014

My Not So Short Introduction.

Hey beautiful people :). I’d like to formally welcome you to My Insecurities & Co. My name’s Akunna. If you said ‘Akunna Matata’ in your head then please, slap yourself. That’s pretty much all you need to know about me for now.

I’ve been told quite often that I’m an ‘Emotional Writer’ (Whatever that means). However, I have no emotions whatsoever in real life but somehow, when I decide to write, all the emotions just seem to start flooding in. It’s almost magical. I’ve also been referred to as dramatic and crazy and mad and silly and ugly and none of that has anything to do with anything.

So, what am I doing on WordPress? What is the aim of my blog? What are my short term goals? What are my long term goals? (Got that from ‘Think Like A Man’ a movie I will forever love because….) I have this blog for so many reasons but, I’ll only explain one because I just can’t be asked to write a lot today.

You know those thoughts that you have on your mind almost all the time. Those thoughts that you can’t tell the people around you about. Not because you don’t trust them but, because, you tend to feel like they’ll know too much about you. Those thoughts that you can’t write in a diary because they make you seem like a depressed homo Sapien and you’ll be devastated if anyone ever read them. Well, yes I have those thoughts. It’s quite ironic that I have decided to come and share it with the whole world when I can’t risk telling it to my amazing friends. The thing is, writing it in public only allows you to put so much emotion into it. That way, you can’t make it sound so emo and at the same time, you’re not bottling up BS.

I actually had a blog before www.slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.com. Have fun stalking. It’s tres deep and might make you cry….yes, I’m deep like that. I had a few favorites from there. The links are below incase you fancy reading any of them…no pressure.

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/hi-im-girl.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/3-reasons.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/funny-how.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/my-mini-rant.html

Maybe not ‘A Few’

I decided to get a new blog because my blogspot was kind of like a summer project. Just something to keep me busy. It is full of things from my past that I rather not remember. Past emotions. Past feelings. Past lusts. Past situations etc.. A lot of the posts there don’t define me anymore so; it doesn’t feel right keeping it. I still have posts on my laptop that I was just too lazy to blog so, I might publish them later in life…sometime in the future..eventually..Y’know. A new blog to me is like moving on and, I’m a big fan of change and moving on. I like to believe I’ve changed. Not changed but, I’m a newer version of me. Same person just a thousand times more amazing. Well, that’s what I tell myself anyway.

Majority of my posts would be either slightly exaggerated or, the exact opposite of what’s really going on or, something about someone else or, the complete truth or, arrant nonsense. However, you will not be able to tell the difference unless of course we’re close like that.

I really can’t be asked to say anything more so, have fun reading my blog ☺

Love,