I’m in a weird place
Where my insides feel empty
But full of matter, not just space
And my words come out petty
Still with a smile on my face.
Stuck in this weird limbo
For what feels like a million centuries
With my head buried deep in these pillows
Hoping to get rid of false memories
Hoping to finally grow.
I’ll keep refuelling this worn out battleship,
Until you promise to love me the right way,
Until you believe that lie.
I’ll keep pouring life into our relationship,
Until I begin to fade away,
Until I begin to die.
Sunken eyes because they’re heavy
From the weight of salty, transparent liquid
A symbol of grief, heaps of emotions I’ve been forced to bury
Is it okay if I cried?
Stopped in my tracks out in the open
It’s these images in my head
They’ve left me broken
Spiritually encompassing my physical form
Is it okay if I remembered?
Blood trickling down from bleeding eardrums
Who said internal screams were harmless
In these moments where the world stands still
And time as we know it seizes to exist,
Is it okay if I gave way to my memories?
Sleep evades me
And food has lost its taste
Publicly falling apart so the whole world can see
With nothing but priorities misplaced,
Is it okay if I just surrendered?
Not when I’m out and you’re in
If I’m not successful without him.
Empty bed all night
He’s snuck out to meet you
Why should I fight?
Now I’ve got space for two.
Home from work
Your cheap cologne in the air
Frightened cause I don’t give a fuck
But your smell is my burden to bear.
Walking on eggshells
To pick up your calls
His eyes filled with fear
Especially when we are at the mall.
He’s leaving me
Your greatest achievement
But you’ll always only be
His second placement.
He said he loves you
He told me that too
How many others
Do you think he’s said that to?
He’s all yours
If he’s stupid enough to go
But please be cautious
He’ll do this to you also.
But this wasn’t even a competition
You can have everything
Including his lying and cheating obsession.