It’s the first time in a long time
But I feel lonely again
Like my soul has escaped my body
In pursuit of you, of anybody
Willing to love me
I feel empty.
Like the surrounding spirits evaporated
Leaving me unsheltered from the cold
Unable to hold down my own
I feel helpless.
Like my mind is willing
But this flesh is weak
It nudges me towards destruction
In the arms of a love I could never accept
Yet I allow it to comfort me
I feel stuck.
You transformed me into a storehouse,
For the love you so generously bathed me in.
The support and care,
On the days I was unaware,
Of the greatness planted within.
You fed me, constantly,
With the positivity my soul was deprived of,
The encouragement my spirit longed for.
A little at a time but the seeds you planted grew like a tumour,
Rooted in the core of my existence.
I’m a different woman because of your persistence.
On rare occasions, I let my emotions rise,
And realise I appreciate your presence in my life.
Even while I watch as it slowly dies,
I still remember that you were redemption in the shape of a man,
Diving in to rescue as much as you can.
I don’t regret this,
I just regret not having a plan
Guess who’s lonely now.
You convince yourself
That you forget what loneliness feels like
But even while you smile at messages
Filled with ensembles of previously rehearsed prophecies,
Emptiness sets in.
Because they are not the one
And neither are you.
For as long as you remain attracted to their physical form,
Captivated by the erudite nature of these modern day men,
Charmed by temporary compassion,
You would continue to tell yourself
That loneliness is a feeling long forgotten
Until you feel loneliness creeping in between the sheets where you both lay
And finally, you learn that happiness is not the falsehood that you try to portray.