Today and only today,
I agree, I’m choosing to explore,
What it’s like to feel the tremors and do it anyway.
I’m willing to make room for more.
Tonight and only tonight,
I’ll confess, I’m scared.
It’s true that I’ll voluntarily fight,
For a connection that remains undeclared.
This moment and only in this moment,
I’ll admit that I waltz around the concept of fate,
Being the single unifying component.
As I pop my ego and watch it deflate.
My old friend,
We meet again.
You’ve won in the past,
But this one’s special.
(Update – it was not)
It’s 2am and my body jolts itself to life.
I’ve been drinking, I’ve been smoking,
Hoping that these chemicals would numb the pain,
Mask the anxiety,
Do something other than drive me insane.
The fear that I know,
Transits through my heavy heart.
But today, it’s come to stay.
Like a spider in its silky matrix,
Or a child in its mother’s arms.
Shall I cuddle it? Nurse it?
Reason with it so it knows how to perceive,
Negative emotions causing my body to grieve?
So it knows when to leave?
Or should I give up on fighting?
On arguing on negotiating,
With dark clouds of fear poisoning my lungs.
If I can’t breathe, I can’t speak in tongues,
Or call on my saviour, I can’t cast and bind.
Not while I’m spiritually blind.
Someone plead the blood of Jesus on my behalf.