Misconstrued.

They speak of love like a force,
An entity of its own,
Enveloping mere mortals.
Possessing them,
Taking over in ways that failed to appeal to me,
And I believed.
But this,
This is nothing like I envisioned.
This is soothing,
Like cool breeze on a warm summer’s night.
Calming,
Like a drag of Mary J’s finest rolls.
Comforting,
Like your arms around me on my worst days.
This is simple,
Like nothing I have known before.
I don’t want to jump or scream or shout,
There is no urge to go crazy or lose my mind,
Not in anger, not it dismay.
Thoughts of you occupy my mind but not in a forceful way,
It’s beautiful, it’s easy
It’s the best thing I’ve experienced thus far.

Where has this been all my life?
Where have you been all my life?

A.

I’m Laughing Now.

I can’t help but laugh
At those who ridiculed the person that I was
And the woman that I had grown to become
Who tried to change me
Cut and paste traits unique to me
Like I was just words on a piece of paper waiting to be edited, reviewed and approved by individuals who didn’t deserve to experience the joy that I radiate
Or deserve to admire the art that I create.

I laugh because I see these same people go through life
Looking for pieces of me that they had tried to cut out
In every girlfriend, every partner, every potential wife
Like the world was populated with varying versions of me
And our sole purpose was to be attracted to a caliber of men who never learned how to love us genuinely.

I am deeply humoured
But my heart bleeds
For the women who would never live up to my standards
Because as beautiful as you are, you would never look like me
And you too are brilliant but, you would never have wit like mine
Never ever would you speak with the same rhythm
Or laugh out loud and think damn I sound just like her
Your touch would never be reminiscent of mine
And when you move, our silhouettes would never be superimposed. 

I am hurt because you would have to pass through the same hell that I did
And experience the same pain that I did
You too would be ridiculed and forced to conform
To rules that you don’t live by in the name of love
I just pray that you grow to believe that are enough
You are beautiful, you are strong
You are as perfect and as whole as you need to be for the one who is deserving
Most of all, I pray you make it out alive. 

A.

Things Are Different Now.

My insides don’t hurt like they used to
My fingers don’t tremble like they used to
And my poor love centre,
It doesn’t feel as heavy as it used to
Doesn’t beat as faint as it used to
Doesn’t bleed as frequent as before
It hurts less.

My tears don’t stream down like they used to
My loneliness doesn’t creep up as often as it used to
And my need to withdraw,
It doesn’t feel as compelling as it used to
Doesn’t feel as necessary as it used to
Doesn’t feel as innate as it used to
It feels good.

A.