Where do I even start? First of all, happy April Fools day if that is even a thing. What’s going on in your life? I bet you’re wondering what’s going on in mine. I would love to tell you but I legit have no idea at this point in time.
Let’s begin by addressing the reason I went away. I say went away like I left for a year which I did back in 2015 because I was going through the multiple challenges that year and I told myself never again. So here I am, stopping myself from disappearing for yet another year.
I haven’t put pen on paper in the past few months if I’m being honest. All of my recent posts are things I wrote towards the end of last year (except an insight to my creative brain) and it’s because I haven’t particularly mastered the art of writing when I’m genuinely in touch with my emotions. By emotions, I mean anger/annoyance/frustration and the likes of them. Yes, I have been annoyed all year for one reason or the other and when I get the odd moment of joy, rather than running to put ink on paper, I hold on to it for as long as possible. Funny how I’ve been annoyed when I’ve gotten more blessings than I could ever imagine between January and March. I’ve also been trying this being vulnerable thing that people speak of and it’s weird af but also oddly satisfying because it builds deeper and more transparent relationships with the people I already care about.
It’s not a semi deep post if I don’t highlight a lesson learned so, here’s one big lesson I’ve learned in the three months I’ve been away.
You can not abandon God.
Trust me, I tried but there would always be a constant reminder that He is there. I had the scariest visa application story that I plan on speaking about on my YouTube channel in the nearest future. Having my situation get resolved in less than 12 hours when everyone on the internet said it took them months to get theirs sorted out made me feel like God was reminding me once again that He is here for me and so I don’t get to just walk away from my spirituality but I was still angry so once again, I looked away.
My friend had followed me on Instagram and I had no idea she owned a page dedicated to sharing the good news to the people. I never thought too much about it until I saw this post the other day
Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples who had eventually betrayed him for some cash. His job was to kiss Jesus on his cheek so that the Romans would take him away for the crucifixion. When this happened, another one of Jesus’ disciples had cut off the ear of the servant of the high priest in anger and Jesus put it back and cautioned him. I’d love to marry a man as calm and collected as Jesus because tbh, I am that disciple that would draw the first sword when someone threatens my personal peace.
This picture gave me a whole new perspective on the life of anger I began living at the start of 2018. Jesus said nothing to Judas but he still ended up killing himself. The son of God did not have to kill Judas because God got him like he’s got his children, like he’s got me. This whole time I was having internal battles with people who had betrayed me in the past and still continued to attempt to betray me. I say attempt because, there has to be an element of trust for betrayal to exist so, this was merely a weak attempt. Anyway, I’ve been fighting human beings forgetting that my battles are not even against flesh and blood but against principalities in high places (Eph 6:12). Talk about misplaced priorities.
I also came across a twitter thread here that spoke directly to my soul. When I say God has been arresting me with his word left right center, you think I’m joking. It’s funny because they’re all on the platforms that I usually go to waste my time.
Anyway, this is why I’ve been so absent but I’m back and I’m better, I hope you want me bad as ever 😉. I’m going to attempt to work on new pieces so I could go back on some sort of regular schedule. Now that I’m somewhat vulnerable like the rest of the human species, maybe I could put up more honest posts. Hmm…
Not every battle is yours to fight