How?

I don’t blame you, I blame me,
For fantasising about tomorrow,
In a relationship that didn’t deserve to see today.
For dreaming about what could be,
Convincing myself that drunken words came straight from the soul,
Knowing full well that nothing strengthened my lies like liquor,
And my creativity reached its peak after a drag of Mary J.
So why did I kid myself into believing that intoxication equates to honesty?
Maybe I was different, maybe this was different.
While only just realising that I deserved to be respected and loved and considered,
I thought maybe just maybe you could be the one.
My summer morning sunrise and beautiful evening sunset,
My healthy bowl of salad and sneaky cheat meal.
I thought you could be what I deserved and vice versa.
So I let my mind wander,
And my emotions over flow,
While I incorporated thoughts of you into my daily ritual.
While I shied away from social circles saturated with men,
Afraid of having a piece of the forbidden fruit.
What if a seed was planted within me that refused to die?
Then it would be me and him, not you and I,
And the world wouldn’t make much sense.
Because you were there in the beginning;
Through my self hate and lack of confidence,
You walked through my closed doors and gave me an experience.
For once, I couldn’t walk away,
Even at the peak of my uncertainties,
I always found a reason to stay.
How could this not be it?
How could you not be the one?

A.

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