Amused.

There are butterflies in your belly,
But you act surprised,
And that amuses me.
Did you forget?
Maybe hope that things would change?
Because you didn’t,
And neither did she.
But you act surprised,
And that amuses me.

Your cheeks hurt from smiling,
And your abs from laughing,
But you act surprised,
And that amuses me.
When did you think his jokes would stop being funny?
Or perhaps, time would alter your sense of humour?
It’s why you stayed away for so long,
But you act surprised,
And that amuses me.

All packed up and more than eager to go down memory lane.
It was your reality,
Your safe space,
Your hideaway even when life was beautiful.
It makes sense when you continuously make pitstops as you journey through nostalgia,
It helps with elongated encounters,
But 24 hours would never be enough time.
Not for you, not for them.
But you still act surprised,
And that amuses me.

A.

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Nostalgia.

Nostalgia is the frenemy you cannot evade

She sets in and soon remains established

In the midst of absence

Like an entity of its own

She speaks to me

Remember when..imagine if..

Think about how you felt during…

Phrases I never want to hear again

She takes over my mind

Thinking unthinkable thoughts

Imagining unimaginable images

Maybe I gave up too easily, maybe I should have fought

She physically moves me

Alters my bearing towards sites of remembrance

Nudges me to take one final look

Have one final taste

Experience that final feeling

Attachment? Delusion?

More like pain and all too familiar rejection

Nostalgia opens up a world long forgotten

Memories long buried

She breaks my heart

Every now and again

It hurts because I can’t do anything but watch myself fall apart

Into millions of pieces I could never recover

Love,
A
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