Living With An Emotional Deficiency – V.

V.

It’s not about you,
Never been, never will be.
I know you secretly wonder if I was the same way with him,
Yes.
Worse.
But for you, I tried,
To unpeel myself from the wall,
Etched in closer till our personal space overlapped.
I practiced hugs which weren’t identical to two sumo wrestlers coming together to pull their limbs out,
Spoke about things that destroyed me, past and present,
Until I felt a prick in the back of my eyes,
Salt water trails crawling down my throat.
It stung, it hurt,
It was tears that I couldn’t cry.
Because if I start now, when would this emotional cascade end?
I have a lifetime of unspoken trauma,
I’m afraid it could kill me.
Afraid I would die without knowing life outside of these emotional constraints.

A.

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