A. – Page 11 – Akunna Ezekwem

July 28, 2017

Tough Love.

Over here, we don’t say I love you
Or ask about feelings like this was some sort of interview.
We don’t cry, not publicly.
We don’t speak comforting words, not literally.
We can’t be supportive, not emotionally,
So I apologise,
For learning to love differently.

I learned that even in love, we got to be tough.
So I would stay awake for as long as insomnia torments you,
And I would hold your hand while you walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
In situations where you feel small, I would bend over and be your foot stool.
In your temporary defeats, I would sing you praises so loud your enemies would be forced to learn the lyrics.

I would honour and uphold, cater to you and serve.
I would pour in all of my energy, including what’s in my reserve.
But I cannot cry when you cry,
Or pour out my heart, even on the days when I try.
So again, I’m sorry,
Because I can only give what I know
And I’ve only ever known tough love.

July 21, 2017July 21, 2017

Whore.

One a penny, two a penny, three a penny

Four

Five a penny, six a penny, I’m stopping at seven tiny pennies

But there’s more

There’s 8 pennies, nine pennies, alas the big ten

If that was me counting bodies,

Would you consider me a whore?

Love,
the 11th body
x

July 14, 2017

Art Collection.

Each night I paint pictures of my pain,
With blood drawn from the cracks of my bleeding heart.
Today you’ve come face to face with my art collection,
I would ask but I can tell by your facial expression,
That you have questions too.

So we stay silent, admiring creativity,
Every stroke, every curve, every slight variation in colour intensity.
You pretend that all of this would go away,
Like my predicament wasn’t clear as day.
Until I wake you up before daybreak only to ask;
If you preferred the bright red puppy
Or the brutally aborted maroon baby?

– why are you leaving in such a hurry? It’s for free love.

July 6, 2017July 6, 2017

Mirroring Actions.

You look at me soft,
You look at me gentle,
You look at me in the way that I feel I look at you but hope you don’t notice.

Do you notice?
Do you ignore?
Do you act oblivious to my stares so you don’t make me conscious?
Don’t make me cautious..

Don’t make me aware of the fact that I look at you soft
And I look at you gentle
But most importantly,
I look at you in the way that you feel you look at me but hope I don’t notice.

Love,
A
X

July 3, 2017February 12, 2018

When Do You Give Up On Love?

1) When you are more in love with memories than with your present situation.

– Memories are created sometimes out of false perception; A biased account of what really happened. If you are happier in your memories made than in the memories you are currently creating, you’re really inlove with your imagination.

_____________________________________________

2) When love hurts.

-injuries hurt and so the moment love begins to, that too turns into an injury. A scar tissue in your heart. A medical condition. Endeavour to flee from the source of your disease.

_____________________________________________

3) When emptiness becomes an entity.

-Love is your friend, your partner, your rock when you’re down and your biggest supporter. Love is a constant companion too. There is no space for emptiness where love is established.

_____________________________________________

Love,
Dr A
x

June 26, 2017June 26, 2017

Loneliness.

You convince yourself

That you forget what loneliness feels like

But even while you smile at messages

Filled with ensembles of previously rehearsed prophecies,

Emptiness sets in.

Because they are not the one

And neither are you.

Regardless,

For as long as you remain attracted to their physical form,

Captivated by the erudite nature of these modern day men,

Charmed by temporary compassion,

You would continue to tell yourself

That loneliness is a feeling long forgotten

Until you feel loneliness creeping in between the sheets where you both lay

And finally, you learn that happiness is not the falsehood that you try to portray.

Love,
A
x

June 23, 2017June 22, 2017

I Did.

I always asked myself what I’d do if you walked away

Like would I go about my daily activities

Attending to real life responsibilities

Or would my subconscious uncontrollably display

Obvious signs of withdrawal

Mental suffering due to denial

Would the skies seem a darker shade of blue?

Would I even make it through?

I did.
Love,
A
X

June 16, 2017June 14, 2017

Falling.

Forehead kisses

Romantic retreats

Thoughtful surprises

Fingers interlocked

Bodies touching

Souls speaking

Emotions deepening

Both hearts unknowingly falling

Love,
A
X

May 25, 2017May 15, 2017

Unknown.

I don’t know when the pain started
When my insides went cold
And my emotions departed
I don’t know when I reached that threshold

Started eating to mask my pain.
Started laughing to mask my pain.

I cannot tell you when I started suffering
So poor in faith and rich in sorrow
It’s all I can give as a Sunday offering
I cannot tell you if I’m going to want this tomorrow

Started writing to ease my suffering.
Started singing to ease my suffering.

I don’t know when I began to reminisce
When I fell so in love with my false memories
Sealed in with love’s deadly kiss
I don’t know when I became established in dangerous territories

Started drinking to relive my memories.
Started smoking to relive my memories.

Love,
A
X

May 14, 2017

Nostalgia.

Nostalgia is the frenemy you cannot evade

She sets in and soon remains established

In the midst of absence

Like an entity of its own

She speaks to me

Remember when..imagine if..

Think about how you felt during…

Phrases I never want to hear again

She takes over my mind

Thinking unthinkable thoughts

Imagining unimaginable images

Maybe I gave up too easily, maybe I should have fought

She physically moves me

Alters my bearing towards sites of remembrance

Nudges me to take one final look

Have one final taste

Experience that final feeling

Attachment? Delusion?

More like pain and all too familiar rejection

Nostalgia opens up a world long forgotten

Memories long buried

She breaks my heart

Every now and again

It hurts because I can’t do anything but watch myself fall apart

Into millions of pieces I could never recover

Love,
A
X