Persistence.

I’ll keep refuelling this worn out battleship,
Until you promise to love me the right way,
Until you believe that lie.

I’ll keep pouring life into our relationship,
Until I begin to fade away,
Until I begin to die.

Love,
A
x

I Will Keep You.

I kept you,
Like an abomination
Buried underneath layers of solid foundation
Locked away like a thief at the station
Not a single soul could break through.

I keep you,
My guilty pleasure
I’m so caught up in the moment
Convinced that nothing else could measure
It’s impossible to say how far I’ve gone.

From now till eternity
Until we fail to restore emotional connectivity
And you are no longer enraptured by my femininity
I will keep you
Engraved permanently on the walls of my heart
Flowing continuously through my marrows
From today till tomorrow,
I will keep you.

Love,
A
X

These Nights

There are nights where I fall,

Back into a state of depression.

On those nights, I can barely crawl,

Because I am crippled by my own transgression,

Judged by weak bodies of power who have no real jurisdiction,

Only knocking you down so it looks like they are standing tall.

But before I receive my final verdict, I urge you to answer me this last question,

Is it okay to have you replenish this cup of sickening alcohol?

As on these nights, Theres nothing I want more than an induced infarction.

Love,
A
x

Okay?

Sunken eyes because they’re heavy

From the weight of salty, transparent liquid

A symbol of grief, heaps of emotions I’ve been forced to bury

Is it okay if I cried?

 

Stopped in my tracks out in the open

It’s these images in my head

They’ve left me broken

Spiritually encompassing my physical form

Is it okay if I remembered?

 

Blood trickling down from bleeding eardrums

Who said internal screams were harmless

In these moments where the world stands still

And time as we know it seizes to exist,

Is it okay if I gave way to my memories?

 

Sleep evades me

And food has lost its taste

Publicly falling apart so the whole world can see

With nothing but priorities misplaced,

Is it okay if I just surrendered?

 

Love,

A

x

A Letter To My Lover’s Main Chick. 

You win
If you haven’t yet figured it out,
I’m telling you that without a doubt,
You win.

Twelve am in the morning
And I find myself roaming
Fighting to stay awake
Incase he decides to show up before day break.

On the nights that I have him
I fight to ignore your expensive scent
Overwhelming and pungent
Your image creeps into my dreams.

Each ‘I love you’ as fake as the previous
Does he mean it when he says it to you?
I’m a little bit curious
This false love is long overdue.

It’s nothing but quick texts
A few hello’s and goodbye’s
But mostly ‘are you available for me to drive by?’
I’m only good enough for meaningless sex.

This man would never be mine
And I accept my defeat
His love for you is so pure, words cannot define
I’m sorry for causing your husband to cheat.

I said it before but I’ll say it again
In this game of love and infidelity
His vows to you were not in vain
I hope that you enjoy your new found serenity.

You win.
A.

A Letter To My Lover’s Side Chick

You win
Not when I’m out and you’re in
You win
If I’m not successful without him.

Empty bed all night
He’s snuck out to meet you
Why should I fight?
Now I’ve got space for two.

Home from work
Your cheap cologne in the air
Frightened cause I don’t give a fuck
But your smell is my burden to bear.

Walking on eggshells
To pick up your calls
His eyes filled with fear
Especially when we are at the mall.

He’s leaving me
Your greatest achievement
But you’ll always only be
His second placement.

He said he loves you
He told me that too
How many others
Do you think he’s said that to?

He’s all yours
If he’s stupid enough to go
But please be cautious
He’ll do this to you also.

You win
But this wasn’t even a competition
You can have everything
Including his lying and cheating obsession.

KCO III.

Can You Tell?

Can you tell that I’m lost?
Wandering through life blindly
With nothing leading me but my distrust.

Can you tell that I’m enclosed?
Sealed within my own misfortune
Is it obvious that I’ve had my optimism folded up and enveloped?

Can you tell that I’m hurt?
If you looked into my eyes, would you see where it burns?
Because I can’t prove it, not while my emotions remain inert.

Love doesn’t live here,

A

What Is Love?

Love is patient, love is kind 
But what exactly is love 
When it is only used entwined with words full of nothing but impossibilities

From surreal to fantasies

There’s a lot of hope and maybe’s and dreams that I wish could last forever

When good memories get blown away into the willows

And there’s nothing left to remember but silent nights and wet pillows

When it cannot stand alone

And can never be allowed to escape alongside each breathtaking moan

When it cannot touch or feel

While desire rises, the mind is forced to conceal

When we search in places high and low, far and wide

For a definition that would never be understood

Tell me once again

What exactly is love if it destroys you faster than any single emotion could

Love,

A

X

I Will. 

For you I would run
I would force my crushed and unstable bones to stand firm on the floor
I would spend each day taking one thundering step after another
Each one more painful than the former
Come rain come sunshine
Come cold winter nights come summer
I would teach myself stamina and long suffering
I would tame my body because although weak, the mind is willing
For you, I would run

For you I would sing
I would force air into my collapsed lungs
And attempt to convert my inhalation into sound
I would transform my unattractive croaks into sweet resounding melodies
My lyrics would vary
From excitement to happiness
There would be lyrics about falling in love and momentary madness
I would sing words of encouragement
Sing songs, hum poetry
I would sing at the top of my voice
Each time readjusting my tone, amplitude, pitch
It has to be perfectly smooth like the waters running down the stream
For you, I would sing

For you I would dance
I would force my frail physical form to sway
Along to the music, along to the beat
I would do twists and twirls
Break dances and African bumps
It’s unfortunate I can’t twerk
I would take your arm firmly and look right into your eyes
With half an inch of breathing space between our faces, I would follow your movements
My feet would remain glued to the dance floor for as long as you want to sway
For you, I would dance

For you I would smile
I would force my lips to curve upwards into a shape that warms your heart
After sweeping away my depression and all so familiar loneliness
I would squint my eyes in attempt to form smile wrinkles on opposite corners
Although my heart may be crimson red
It’s blood seeping through its multiple cracks
I would ensure that my teeth are white as pearls
All the better to light up your world with my love
For you, I would smile

For you I will
Jump hoops and put out flames
A hundred time once
And then a thousand times over
For you, I will

Love,
A
x

I’ll Show You. 

North, South, East and West 

I only ever showed you a part of me

Now here’s the rest

The irritation and insecurities

My hour long ramblings

It’s the only way I learned how to vent

The way that I break down ever so often

My thought process, plans to eradicate people I consider rotten

It’s time to display the weight that I bear 

Characteristics I possess which you should fear

Take down the false facade that I display, I’m quite the actress

I’ll show you the layers of my heart 

Although bright red and warm on the outside

It’s pitch black and cold within

I might as well show you the muscles that ache and the bones rendered broken

I’m so beat up on the inside, my physical form has refused to go unspoken

Give you a taste of what a mixture of mascara and tears trailing down my cheeks look like

Why exactly I find company in solitude 

I’ll show you the reality behind the stories that I tell, poems that I create

The type I can’t post in public because I’m scared people might interrogate 

Question my sanity, my humanity, my level of stability

I’ll show you everything willingly and it’s okay to leave

Stand upright and walk right out of my existence 

Save yourself I beg you, begin to retreat 

It’s definitely not worth the stress

I’d have done the same if only I could find my own two feet. 

Love,
A
x

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