The Reason

So, today, I was randomly thinking about how silly it is for people to sit in groups talking about someone who isn’t aware of any of their existences (If that makes sense). Like, why do people do that? Have you not got lectures to go to? Homework to do? Tests to study for? Babes/Guys to get? A God to pray to? Out of all the things you could be doing, you’re sat making fun of someone who’s better than you in more ways than one. Tufia *Spits on red sand*.

Then, I thought about how my belly has refused to accept anything that isn’t ethanol. Eating food now is more like a chore than something I love to do. It’s shocking ‘cause I used to always stuff myself with food and food made me happy. I’m starting to believe that I was only using food to fill the void in my life because right now, I’m extremely happy and something other than food has been occupying my mind. After concluding that I used to use food to comfort myself, I began to ask myself why I had this blog of mine. Why I even bother writing poems and co for strangers to read. Poems about ‘le boo’ that I can never ever ever ever show him but, I wouldn’t mind the rest of the world reading it. Where did this even come from?

This is supposed to be the paragraph where I tell you about what/who has been occupying my mind Mais, Non, that’s not going to be the case. I put a video up and that’s what this post is about. The truth is I’m just stalling. I’m supposed to be doing my ‘day three’ post about drugs and alcohol. I can’t seem to write anything about it that doesn’t sound judgmental, hypocritical or like I’m in support of any of them. Instead, I have decided to tell my beautiful readers why I have this blog. Well, why I think I have this blog.

Two years ago, when I first started A-levels, I had a roommate. Now, I hate living with people and my roommate and I were very different. I was heartless with no emotions and she was the exact opposite. One day, she demanded that I listened to “That girl” (which I have put above) claiming that it will allow me to feel sympathy for someone else. It was the first poem I actually ever listened to. Before that, I was forced to read stupid love poems for IGCSE literature ‘How you call to me, call to me’ bleh.

So, I listened to it till the end and I was speechless. It was only then that I realized that poetry was one of the very few things that I considered truly beautiful. I had never heard anyone speak with so much pain and anger before. It just got to me surprisingly. I had to go to the toilet to think of my life and all my past hurts. Then, I decided that I wanted to write emotional jargons and make videos of me saying it out with so much pain in my voice. There was only one slight problem. I am unable speak without smiling or half laughing. I’m beginning to think it’s an abnormality. Be it when I’m happy, sad, angry, frustrated, etc, I’ll still have a smile on my face while speaking. I had to give up on that dream and stick to posting semi-deep poems on my blog.

I really like the way she said “That shhhhhh don’t tell nobody what we did silence”. Reminds me of someone.

So, now you know one of the reasons I have this blog. Happy now? Oversabbi.


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