February, The Month Of Love?…Love?

Wow it’s February already and a lot of people refer to this month as ‘The month of love’. I’ve never experienced love per say but, this post is about A, not me. Love? Hmm, I am unaware of the meaning of that word. I’m not talking about the definition because I could just get that off any random dictionary. Today’s post today is concentrated solely on love. Feel free to correct me if I misunderstand the meaning of the word or even the effect of love on humans. I am but a learner in this category.

Dear lovies,

Hi, my name is A. A for anonymous. A for a girl. A for a hopeless romantic. A for anything but perfect. My friends call me ‘A’, my family calls me ‘A’, random people that claim to know me call me ‘A’ so, ofcourse, you may call me ‘A’. That’s all you have to know about me, for now. As an anonymous girl who is hopelessly romantic and far from perfect, I have a lot of fantasies about falling in love. It’s disgusting really but, I did not choose the love-struck thug life, the love-struck thug life chose me.

Once upon a time (Why are you reading the rest of the story without saying ‘time time’?!), I got asked ‘A, how far your love life now?’ All I could manage to say was ‘my nonexistent love life is a joke’. Forever alone lomo. It was a joke at the time and, I actually said it to someone that I fancied…fancy. A while later, I thought about that statement. About what exactly it was that hindered me from changing that situation. About what I wanted from love; this strong, powerful and passionate word which I knew nothing about. Then I came up with a few ideas of what I thought love entailed. Actions, Words, Privileges and Positive Emotions. They’re all a bit over the top because I watch a lot of romantic movies and read a lot of romantic books. I am fully aware of the fact that movie relationships are all fiction but, it’s a lot more interesting to read about than the real thing.

All the things I said above are just to add bulk to this post haha, I apologize. Please do read on. I’m going to start writing in third person so as to make this sound a lot less personal but first, I’ll provide the definition of ‘Love’

“Love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions.” NO LIMITS OR CONDITIONS

For A however, love is a feeling that she doubts she will ever feel.  It’s always been something so farfetched and things haven’t quite changed. Something she thinks she wants but might not get right now. A wants to feel love, to understand what it means. She wants to run in the park hand in hand with the one that she’s emotionally attached to. She’d love to keep half of her clothes in her lovers’ home. To be able to say any and everything to the one that she loves. A doesn’t want much. She just wants to be normal. She wants to know that she can be normal. She wants to know that there’s nothing wrong with her emotionally rather than physically. She desperately searches for the man that will look beyond her physical appearance. Attractive as she may or may not be, she believes that there’s more to her and she’s yet to find anyone that is interested in the ‘more’ bit. She’s looking for depth; something deeper than mere lust or infatuation. A wants to fall in love…to fall deeply in love. To have someone to call her emotional rock, someone she can depend on, someone to trust forever and ever. She wants to feel this imaginary connection. To be able to kiss her lover whenever and however and wherever she wants. She wants to be off the market. To be able to speak to the same person for months without one dull moment. She wants to fall hopelessly in love. The ‘ IDGAF about tomorrow, all that matters today is that I love my man and he loves me’ kind of love. Or, as Alicia Keys put is, “that off the wall won’t stop till I get enough kind of love”. A wants surprises and cute messages and unexpected kisses and reckless love making. She wants beautiful poems and ridiculously cute stories about her love affair. She wants to listen to happy love songs and have her thoughts drift off to her one and only. She wants to go to bad and wake up in the arms of her lover. To kiss her baby first thing in the morning and think of how happy his presence has made her rather than the amount of bacteria that is being introduced into her buccal cavity. To arise come morning grateful to God for the partner he’s blessed her with. She wants to happily stare at the beautiful creature lying down beside her; overcoming the urge to caress his face. She wants to forget what being lonely feels like. To be able to turn ‘runzerz’ and numerous “P’s”down with justification. She wants to feel requited love, passion and need. She wants the world to see the love emanating from her and her lover.

So, now that we’ve concluded that A is the biggest dreamer on earth, I’d like to tell you a few things that she’s prepared to embrace.

The painful arguments, the crack in her heart when her lover is mad at her. She wants to be on the verge of tears when it seems like her relationship is coming to an end. She wants to feel like an overcomer when things eventually work out. She wants the real deal, all of it. Most of all, she wants to stop fantasizing about something she doubts she’ll ever have. Tell A it’s okay to dream a little.


A’s other half



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