I thought I was going to start this post with ‘new year, new me, beginnings’ or ‘this has been the best year of my life so far’ or ‘2013 was good, time to move into an even better year but, I couldn’t bring myself to lie on the last day of 2013(I wrote this last year). If the year ended right before summer, maybe I could have gotten away with any of the above statements but, I have actually had the worst December of my life so, it’s hard to look passed it.
Now a lot of people are hopeful for the new year and the new experiences that they think they would have. Hmm, I have a few words to say about that. The world does not reset every 365 days. The misfortune that you were experiencing yesterday on the 31st of December will not go away just because it’s a new year. Nobody will become a new creation once the beginning of the new year is at site.
Change does not happen that swiftly. The tables don’t turn around because your calendar says it is the 1st of January so, can we stop with the impossible resolutions?
In life, we are given so many new beginnings, so many chances to start afresh. In high school, there were three terms; 3 opportunities to ascertain your purpose at that point in time. In between each term, we had a week’s break. A week to think of how to bounce back and kick education’s ass. So, that’s 6 new beginnings, 6 new opportunities. Regardless, we as humans succeed in resisting change. How then is it possible to change because of the new year? I started my semester in October so, I had the whole of summer to set goals, have an idea of how to organize myself, build up the character that I considered more attractive in the developing world but guess what? Round of applause for that beautiful guess, stranger. I hardly changed any aspect of my life. I couldn’t do it over the summer because learning, as well as character building is progressive.
The person that you are now is a reflection of your past experiences. Your character, organization, ability to work hard didn’t appear in one day. You need experience to change your situation. Losing the person you loves because of your nasty attitude, getting below what you consider acceptable because you didn’t work hard enough, becoming close to suicidal because of your antisocial nature. It’s experiences like these that kick start the will to change. Now I said ‘the will to change’ so, even if you had one of the above encounters on the 31st of December, you won’t be a changed person in the new year.
I feel like my posts are incomplete without chipping in a bit of my nonexistent love life. So, during the course of my love journey in 2013, I had quite a number of encounters. It’s not nearly as serious as you think it is so, get your head out of the gutter. Despite my other adventurous encounters, I only acknowledge two associates. By associates, I mean people that managed to spark my interest in one way or the other. My heart goes out to the other associates that were unfortunate enough to come across a girl like me. I’m an evil person and I don’t deserve happiness, I know. So, back my associates, I was going to write about this but I have the tendency to write too much so, I’m going to list three songs signifying the lag, log and death phases of each. Now, of course you have to listen to the songs or you won’t understand anything.
So, now that I have summed up my excuse of a love life in 6 different songs, we can now conclude that A(me) is one of the saddest people in the world tormented by her past experiences. That’s one way to look at it and I could beg to differ however, I made up my mind to not try to convince anybody of anything. I will not try to prove anybody wrong or try to justify my actions or give anybody a reason to continue to associate themselves with me. If certain friendships are meant to be, they will without doubt, continue to be. It’s exhausting when you channel all your energy into trying to be somebody else’s perfect something. None of that my lovies, none of that.
I just realized I never actually talked about how 2013 was for me. Despite all the things I’ve typed above, it was quite nice to be honest. I could even dare to say it was amazing. I met so many awesome people, I got to do things that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I discovered how different members of the society could be (in a way that I can’t really speak of haha). I moved accommodation three times. I finally overcame the mediocre feeling I thought I’d have forever. I tried out new experiences. mostly bad ones but, I learned from them…I think. I also tried the one thing I’ve been running away from for the past 20(football age) years of my life…I tried a relationship haha. Like real life commitment and actual emotions involved which really isn’t the person that I am but, at least it taught me a few things. I was genuinely happy with the person that I was and the person I was striving to be. it didn’t matter what anyone else thought but, i was happy…for half of the year at least. I learnt so much last year, it wasn’t even real.
I read my baby, Dolly’s blog the other day and she mentioned something about finally being inlove. I have never been any more happier for anybody before. I love to see people that believe they are in love, I love to see people get married to their life partners, I love to see people overcome the obstacles that relationships bring and sometimes I hope that one day, ‘people’ will be me and somebody but, not to worry now. I’m still happy for all you lovey dovey boy loving girls out there. I might end up like my Dolly baby one day but, until then, it’s me and my Jesus.
So, I said I learned a lot and this is the part where I jot down a million life lessons but, I’ll restrict it to 7 in no particular order.
1) You will always be a hoe
Now I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this word be used to describe a human being. So, I’ve concluded that everybody (guys included) is a hoe. I mean this word has been used in the same sentence with girls that are virgins, girls that have a body count of one as well as girls that have gone round the whole of England. I have looked up the meaning of this word and I’m honestly waiting for the day the definition goes from being ‘a woman that is too loose in the booty’ to ‘every type of woman’. There are people that don’t know you, people that don’t know anybody that knows what your boobs feel like or how your lips taste or, anything f that sort. but, they still stand up and confidently call you a hoe lol. I just laugh because I find stupidity quite funny.
2) There’s no such thing as trust
Really speaks for itself.
3) Your friends over most things
My friends made the most part of my year. There are times where i want to breakdown and cry and one of my retarded friends decide it’s time to pay A a foolish phone call..gbam..there goes my will to breakdown. Especially towards the end of last year, I had my friends show me that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. I know most people believe your family should come before your friends or something similar to that but, you don’t choose your family, you don’t decide to love your family, you don’t cut members of your family out just because they’re weighing you down. So, you’re forced to learn to accept them but, you can do these to your friends so, the few you have left are actually the closest things to your heart. We’re brought up to love our family by default regardless of what they do and frankly, that doesn’t make much sense to me. I have cousins that are just a part of my family and cousins that I genuinely love because they’re my friends as well. That’s why I believe people say that we should get married to not only someone that we love but, to our bestfriends.
4) People will always see you in the same light
Never ever ever embark on a journey to change anybody’s perception of the person that you are. It is honestly a waste of your time and effort and resources. Instead of thinking of ways to appease anybody, think of ways to be happy with yourself.
5)Think before you leap
One of the worst feelings in the world is regret. I regretted going anywhere near the a-level college that I attended and it really messed me up for a while. So, think before you leap. Weigh the pros and cons. How much regret will you feel if things didn’t work out? A lot? then don’t be stupid. I am not one to regret anything that I choose to do. I either learn from it or get irritated when people try to remind me of it or, forget about it and move on. Never stay in a corner wallowing about your regrets.
6) Happiness is a choice
For the better half of 2013, I was probably the happiest person alive. Nothing could kill my vide for more than a second. I will be hurt for a bit and then, choose to eliminate the source of my hurt just so I could be happy. Be it a place or a memory or a person, I’d eliminate it from my day to day life. Then during the worst half of the year, I began to notice agents of unhappiness. i would dwell on statements and actions and circumstances that chewed away the happy side of me and this is where number 7 comes in…
7)Jesus over everything
My Jesus is King. Amazing amazing amazing. Now, I believed that in order to completely be carefree and enjoy my 2013 the way I wanted to, I needed to eliminate Jesus from my life. I stopped praying, I only just went to church on the 31st of December but guess what, Jesus didn’t go anywhere. I went on my knees with hate in my heart and tears in my eyes and I spoke to my creator one day. I said to him, ‘Jesus, please tell the devil to stop using me for bants’. Asked him to take the hate away and bring back my usual happy disposition and it happened. Now, I’m just Ray Charles to everybody’s bullshit. Jesus over everything because, he will always be there. He will always want the best for you. He will always care and love and cherish you as his child. Lastly, Jesus will never judge you for your mistakes.
Happy new year everybody. I pray that the places you choose to find love in will benefit you in more ways than one. My hope for the new year remains the same every year and, that it that I continue to be a better in every aspect of my life.