Akunna Ezekwem

It was her first time and it was supposed to be a memorable occasion. The guy she adored the most, the one who had all of her attention.  It started out as mere infatuation. But, from there grew real affection. With that came about the need for perfection. His presence made all of her nerves halt in a uniform formation. Never before had she experienced such fascination. Thinking about him seemed to be her one and only addiction. He touched her, it was the best ever sensation. It felt wrong, something close to subornation.  But, she could not resist the temptation. It was not eagerness, it was not desperation. It was supposed to be nothing but a mere invitation. In less than a minute, there was unison, something she referred to as colligation. Now in the act, there was the will to partake in a little exploration. She had never done this before, this brought about excitation. There was a little spark, nothing as serious as electrocution. He watched her the whole time, steady taking note of her reaction.

The deed was done, no need for a standing ovation. However she felt used, she needed clarification. Always thinking and dealing with confusion. She drowned herself in work, a form of distraction. Wanted to be alone, wanted to be in isolation. Her tear glands were starting to lose it, they were starting to malfunction.  Was this even real or was this her imagination? How he felt was the big unanswered question. She needed something, a bit more information. A few words from her lover, something to help the situation. Some form of explanation. The love in her heart was starting to undergo diffusion. It had to happen, there was no better solution. Then, there was depression. A big strain in her heart, I’m talking about myocardial infarction. It’s hard to let go and, move on in a different direction. Impossible to look in the mirror and not be judged by her own reflection. She had fallen a bit too hard, moved so fast all because of her slight obsession. It need not be said out loud because, she knew that she had just faced the worst case of rejection.

Love,

A

x

The one that I have is not the one that I want.

Things of the past should not be brought forth.

Mere distance would not set two lovers apart.

It is how you finish that matters not how you start.

Wailing and crying will not solve the problem at hand.

Not every relationship will lead to marriage.

So, calm your titties and do not be so eager to buy a baby carriage.

Losing one battle is not a good reason to give up.

Talking about being ‘full to the brim’, your life is not a cup.

Crying should not be an option. Instead, devote yourself to hard work.

Because, crying does nothing but, bring pity and give fools a reason to talk.

Being heartbroken does not mean you’ll end up with a permanent scar.

Your ugly attitude not your ugly face is what chases people away when they see you coming from afar.

Just because you don’t get what you want does not give you the right to doubt.

I am aware of the fact that the title of this post does not have anything to do with what it is about.

Love,

A

x

I was going to wait until tomorrow before I post something else but, I happen to be a very impatient child.

It’s past 2 am and I am sat on my bed thinking about rubbish that will never in a million years be of any use to me. It’s hard to explain what it is that I am thinking about. Okay, I lied, it is very easy to explain the rubbish in my head right now but, it’s pretty miserable so, I’d rather not.

I heard this song a few months ago and, had it on replay for a while because, that’s what I always do when I hear a new song that is likable. After a while, it just started to irritate me..you know how it works.

Anyway, I told myself that I’ll never have to listen to this song and think about my situation. That it’ll never have anything to do with me and that I wouldn’t ever know all the words to it. Then again, I tell myself things like ‘Aku you’re hotter than Beyonce’ and ‘Einstein ain’t got nothing on me’ so, it’s hard to believe half of the things I tell myself.

I know my two weeks is up and, I’m supposed to be ‘lust-free’ by now but, I’m not. I may talk about it a little less or, stop smiling when I hear your name or, act like I don’t notice you but, it’s all fake. Even faker than the stupid weave I have on right now. All so people don’t look at me like that poor girl that can’t get who she wants. Ugh.

I always say ‘Depression Cometh By Night’ which is why I like to sleep early. I mean, It is five hours past my bedtime but, I’m here thinking about how “I Can’t Make You Love Me”. This isn’t anyone’s fault seeing as “You Can’t Make Your Heart Feel Something It Won’t”.

‘I’ll close my eyes. Then I won’t see THE LOVE YOU DON’T FEEL WHEN YOU’RE HOLDING ME’ has to be my best and most painful line. Only because that’s exactly what I did when….

Love,
A
x

Hey beautiful people :). I’d like to formally welcome you to My Insecurities & Co. My name’s Akunna. If you said ‘Akunna Matata’ in your head then please, slap yourself. That’s pretty much all you need to know about me for now.

I’ve been told quite often that I’m an ‘Emotional Writer’ (Whatever that means). However, I have no emotions whatsoever in real life but somehow, when I decide to write, all the emotions just seem to start flooding in. It’s almost magical. I’ve also been referred to as dramatic and crazy and mad and silly and ugly and none of that has anything to do with anything.

So, what am I doing on WordPress? What is the aim of my blog? What are my short term goals? What are my long term goals? (Got that from ‘Think Like A Man’ a movie I will forever love because….) I have this blog for so many reasons but, I’ll only explain one because I just can’t be asked to write a lot today.

You know those thoughts that you have on your mind almost all the time. Those thoughts that you can’t tell the people around you about. Not because you don’t trust them but, because, you tend to feel like they’ll know too much about you. Those thoughts that you can’t write in a diary because they make you seem like a depressed homo Sapien and you’ll be devastated if anyone ever read them. Well, yes I have those thoughts. It’s quite ironic that I have decided to come and share it with the whole world when I can’t risk telling it to my amazing friends. The thing is, writing it in public only allows you to put so much emotion into it. That way, you can’t make it sound so emo and at the same time, you’re not bottling up BS.

I actually had a blog before www.slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.com. Have fun stalking. It’s tres deep and might make you cry….yes, I’m deep like that. I had a few favorites from there. The links are below incase you fancy reading any of them…no pressure.

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/hi-im-girl.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/3-reasons.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/funny-how.html

http://slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/my-mini-rant.html

Maybe not ‘A Few’

I decided to get a new blog because my blogspot was kind of like a summer project. Just something to keep me busy. It is full of things from my past that I rather not remember. Past emotions. Past feelings. Past lusts. Past situations etc.. A lot of the posts there don’t define me anymore so; it doesn’t feel right keeping it. I still have posts on my laptop that I was just too lazy to blog so, I might publish them later in life…sometime in the future..eventually..Y’know. A new blog to me is like moving on and, I’m a big fan of change and moving on. I like to believe I’ve changed. Not changed but, I’m a newer version of me. Same person just a thousand times more amazing. Well, that’s what I tell myself anyway.

Majority of my posts would be either slightly exaggerated or, the exact opposite of what’s really going on or, something about someone else or, the complete truth or, arrant nonsense. However, you will not be able to tell the difference unless of course we’re close like that.

I really can’t be asked to say anything more so, have fun reading my blog ☺

Love,

A

x