A. – Page 19 – Akunna Ezekwem

June 16, 2014January 23, 2018

How can I let this happen?

The wind in the willows whisper softly
Urging me to follow my heart
I take one step forward swiftly
But two steps back
It’s quiet, it’s dark
Full of uncertainties, a list of things that I cannot take back
Follow your heart they said
Let the words of love direct you in the right path
But how then can I let this happen?
When love is supposed to be the bright light at the end of the tunnel
Love, a combination of hope and happiness
Love, the absence of hate and regret
How then can I let this happen?
When the path that my heart has presented to me is incomplete
A thin line of rope suspended over a lake of fire
Narrow in it’s path, lovers are nothing but blatant liars
With a dark midst ever present in the surrounding
It’s hard to see, my vision is slowly diminishing
When the path leads me away from the love I was once used to
An inch away from the present,
one mile closer to the impermissible, unavailable, unforgettable
How then can I let this happen?
So I take a step back
And a few more
I’m now running a race in the opposite direction to the path that my heart has set out
Back in the arms of the previous
I can’t tell if I’m unwilling or dubious
Love still doesn’t live in this cold body of mine
But in the midst of all the confusion
I have learned to taste love with every sip that I take from each bottle of cheap wine
How could I have possibly let this happen?

Love,
A
x

June 15, 2014January 23, 2018

The Other Women.

J. We are the other women.

A. The ones that let themselves love a bit too much
The rejected

J. Outside looking in
The other face in the mirror
A reflection of my former self

A. We’re the ones to blame, we commited the sin

J. We hate the game . But we can’t change it

A. Overwhelmed by lust

J. Overwhelmed by love

A. It’s hard to fake it

J. Clawing helplessly at the seams of our broken heart
We search for absolution

A. Trying to put the pieces together
While we hold back our dark confessions

J. S , the scarlet let we bear on our chest
Reminding us we are nothing more late night steamy fumbles
Sluts

A. The voices in our head constantly bombarding us with aggressive words
We yearn to forget
Hope to be forgotten
But love holds us back

J. Bodies entangled in shameless exploration
Deep slow movements, small sounds escape my lips
A euphoric feeling between my legs
Orgasm

A. Profound yet, feeble
The slight rhythmic trembling of my physical form
Underneath his touch, his stare
His masculine figure stretched above me, beautiful and bare
For a moment, I was tricked into believing that I could be the one
His only one
But the other woman is who I have become
And the other woman is what I will always be.

Love,
A&J
xx

June 14, 2014September 29, 2014

Must..Update..Blog.

Hello lovies,

My name is A in-case you’ve forgotten about me. I personally wouldn’t blame you seeing as I’ve managed to abandon my blog for so long. This time, I’m not sure if it was because of my lazy nature or loss of interest or other unpleasant distractions. Did I just say loss of interest? Hah, never that darlings.

So, it’s the sixth month of the year and I want to thank God for allowing my precious soul see the first half of the year. That’s funny because for me, this has been the worst 6 months of my life prior to the 6 months before that. In general, that is. I’ve gone from one bad situation to the other, been insulted, disrespected and co…sad story really. However, there’s a lot to be grateful for in the midst of my semi-miserable months past;

– I’ve gone through yet another year in my education (mastered the art of cramming)

– I believe I’ve had to accelerate my maturation process due to certain situations

– I’ve been privileged enough to meet some of the most amazing people in the world(my support systems). There are people I know now that I wish I had known all my life and hope I never stop knowing.

Well that’s about it. I don’t really have much to say for now but, it’s nice to look back and find good in the evil that I’ve been presented with. I’ve grown as a person and it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks.

I just started this thing where I try to write poems/stories with two of my beautiful friends. I might extend it to more people later on in life. Basically, I get to write a few lines then they write a few lines after then I write another few lines. That’s how it goes anyway. So, I have a post coming that I wrote with my baby ‘Jewel’ which is not her real name but, that’s what you’re going to have to call her. It’s basically a poem about being the other women. Hmmm how would I know what it feels like? Am I the other woman? Dum dum dummmmm.

Love,
A
x

May 21, 2014January 23, 2018

What Happens…

March 19, 2014January 23, 2018

Why Judge?

Back in highschool there used to be these wwjd bracelets meaning ‘What Would Jesus Do’. The idea was that if you looked at your band every now and again, your subconscious will automatically ask itself that question before acting. Too bad it didn’t work

I live in a society where people are judged by the price of their outfits. Where men who have defiled themselves with multiple women judge other girls for lip locking a few men. What will Jesus do? Jesus will not judge. And it’s amazing because the man in question is perfection. God the son is his human form was righteous and without sin. He did not lie, cheat, steal or kill yet, he never judged.

I believe we’ve all heard of the story which talked about the woman caught in adultery. The fact that the woman was portrayed as the only offender even though she needed a man to complete the activity personally annoys me. Anyway, she was judged for her offense and her penalty was death by stoning. What would Jesus do? Well, exactly what did Jesus did. He did not judge. My savior acknowledged her sin but at the same time, acknowledged the sin of the multitude. Let he that is without sin cast the first stone … (John 8:7) Silence.

Apart from this woman from John, the bible tells a few stories about sinners that the Lord used for his purpose rather than judge them for their sins. Moses, the very same man who led the people of Isreal out of Egypt killed somebody but still at the same time encountered God at the burning bush. He killed somebody but if born into this society, he would have been known as a murderer. Nothing but evil would have been spoken of him or his descendants however, The Lord used him. There were also the likes of Paul/Saul and Solomon and Jacob that really deserved to be ridiculed and judged and condemned but, The Lord did not judge. What would Jesus do?

What makes you believe that a sinner like you can judge a sinner like me when Jesus in his human form did not judge sinners? Jesus came for sinners..he came to show us the way and save us.

Matthew 7:1 clearly states ‘judge not so that ye will not be judged’ Hallelujah somebody. We go about our daily lives thinking that what we do is right. Hence if someone does something contrary to what we’re doing, they deserved to be judged. A man with a body count of 10 dares judge a woman with a body count half that of it. This thing called the double standard that humans now speak of does not however exist in the kingdom of God. She has her past and she might now be saved so, with you going about your usual immoral ways and judging someone else who has found Jesus, guess who will end up in hell in the end?

Go ye therefore and teach all nations. Matt 28:19. Not judge all nations, TEACH all nations. The word of God is very precise about what it expects of us. If you are judging a nation, you are disobeying the word of God. What then will it profit you to commit sin just so you can judge me for committing sin? Who exactly are there nations that we are supposed to teach? 1 peter 2:9 clearly tells us BUT ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a HOLY NATION….. I am the holy nation. The person you think you can judge is a holy nation that you should be teaching.

You cannot judge based on one’s dressing or physical appearance or eating habit or past. Just because you sit there wallowing in your mediocre life full of nothing but regret and lack of achievement does not mean others would like to do the same. Let he that is without sin cast the first stone. The stone of criticism. I dare you to cast your stone of judgement and condemnation while God is carefully looking down at you with disappointment.

I read an article on Linda Ikeji’s blog about a woman not loving her husband again. My initial reaction was pity. I thought about how she’ll not only have to marry a man that she does not love but, have children and stay forever as one with him. Then I thought of the reasons why I believed I didn’t love the young man that I was with at a point. Had he changed or was he just not the amazing person he acted like he was in the beginning? Had he lied to her and condemned her for attempting to lie but not going through with it? Had he ignored her when she was in a helpless and pain stricken state? Had he just been unable to show interest in her at all? Then I thought about what she could do to revive the love. I thought about her seeing a pastor concerning it. About God actually being the reason behind this loss of love..maybe their union was not His ultimate plan for either one of them.

While I was thinking of all of the above, I decided to scroll passed the comments section just to see other plausible reasons for this unfortunate discovery then I came across this…

“U didn’t finish d story my dear, tell us dat u r seeing another man datz y, u don’t love ur husband to be anymore, my advice to u is dis forget dat boy dat u r seeing and go ahead with u wedding as for love it will surely locate u two, but if u feel u want to break out bcos u don’t love ur man, many girls r waiting to love him so choose one”

Not only is this statement disrespectful, it is all shades of rude and judgmental. Why would your heart formulate such a lousy reason for such. She said she doesn’t love him again not she doesn’t find him attractive or something superficial.

This is the reason I hate the general mentality that Nigerians have. Especially Nigerian boys. How can you sit and accuse somebody of something of that sort? They sit and pass judgement. Make ignorant statements about situations and people that they do not understand. Nothing gets me angrier than the Nigerian mentality. Try reading through Linda Ikeji’s comment section on every semi-emotional post and you’ll understand what I mean. 90% of the comments consists of ignorant people eager to pass unsolicited and in most cases, close minded judgement on others.

What would Jesus do? Jesus will find a way to save a soul without passing condemning judgement. I cannot stress this enough. ‘The fear of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom’ and it is this wisdom that allowed Jesus to see the greater picture. Allowed him to act in the way that he did, accept people of all depths of evil and not judge the multitude. That wisdom is greater that any uncivil condemning statement that you have to say about anybody. Put a lock of your disdained judgmental lips because your words are just as evil as the deeds of those that you judge.

February 20, 2014January 23, 2018

A Thing Of The Past.

The voices surrounding me keep echoing
My path to recovery, each time narrowing
Constantly screaming ‘It’s a thing of the past’
But they don’t see my poor heart enclosed in its own cast
Feeble from the hurt and the misery
Still beating strong despite several blows
They cannot explain such sorcery
My reason for persevering, not a single soul knows
Once bitten, twice shy
The third time, cynical
And they still dare to look me in the eye
Still dare to question my guts
Belittle my self worth while demanding to know my insecure thoughts
If disconsolate feelings are left to grow deeper
My body in turn will rot, making me a lot less eager
But the initial survivor never gives in
She yearns to rise again each time with even thicker skin
The initial survivor I once was but, I am no longer
As I cannot stop the tears
They flow while pushing through my anger
Cannot suppress my fears
Because within me, there will always be memories
But maybe one day this too will be
Similar to the extraneous hate being harboured within
Or just like the identity of a teardrop in the presence of the great sea
This might eventually be a thing of the past
But it’s hard to let go because in my case, the voices didn’t regardless of how many times I asked.

Love,
Disconsolate A
X

February 13, 2014

Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

This has to be one of the most beautiful posts that I’ve ever read. I pray God blesses us all with life partners of a similar mindset.

Michael J. Pittman

In 130 days I’m getting married, and a friend recently asked me why I love my fiancé. I wanted to share a deeper perspective on Amanda and I’s relationship, so before I answered why I love her, I had to first explain to him the reasons I don’t love my future bride to be.

I came to two conclusions:
First is, I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the outside. I know. It sounds cheesy, it sounds sappy. This perspective is not a novel idea by any means. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t love you for what’s on the outside. I love you for what’s on the inside.” But that brings me to my second conclusion.

I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the inside either.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things on the inside and outside that I love about

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February 4, 2014January 23, 2018

February The 14th.

I did one of these I hate valentine’s day posts last year around this time so, I’m here thinking ‘maybe I should make this into a series’ kind of like in Nigerian movies where a random male voice keeps screaming ‘watch out for part two’ at you. This might be yet another one of my ‘love sucks’ kind of posts because of the feeling I have in my gut.

Lately I’ve been mistreated, misplaced and misunderstood. Pushed to my elastic limit and beyond. I have been 50shades of miserable and felt everything but the dignity that I am entitled to as a human being. The eyes behind these words have familiarized themselves with the once foreign and salty substance that flows freely through them. The fingers behind this keyboard, raised up to God for vengeance and the heart… The heart that once beat in a rhythm soothing to the soul, one so calm yet, bringing forth happiness and a sense of self peace. The heart now beats in tune with its anger and fear as well as its elongated period of rejection.

So, why have I told you my story which isn’t cool enough to put children to bed? I’m not entirely sure to be honest. All I know is that my mishaps have changed me in a way that I cannot fully comprehend. I’m now looking at the title of this post wondering why I’ve gone so off point. Anyway, I’ve come to realize that after every terrible situation, there’s always some sort of wonderful epiphany. I haven’t quite found mine yet but, I’ve been thinking lately and writing…thinking while writing.

I have been thinking about my life past, present and future. The people in it, their mission in my life, my own mission in my life. Whether or not I’m holding on to something I really shouldn’t be. All the things I write about and how sometimes, I revisit them when I’m less troubled thinking ‘I don’t see why I thought this was so deep at the time’. Then I wonder if that’s what my beautiful readers think. It doesn’t bother me much because I believe that the eyes see only what the hands write while the heart is troubled. If you fail to see, you will never have the opportunity to understand and, that’s fine by me. As long as you’re happy and I’m happy…in a different generation or life time.

So what does February mean to me? Nothing really but most people refer to it as the month of love. Next week happens to be Valentine’s Day and so many girls are looking forward to it; your girlfriend, your side chick, the person you’ve been leading on in the past few months. A lot of men obviously don’t value this day but trust me, if you disappoint, you too will be disappointed in the days following that.

I came across this picture {above} the other day and it seemed funny at first because it reminded me of one of my situations. Then I looked at it again thinking ‘wow’. It made me realize that there are men in this world who treat their women like faulty, used instruments. Men who neglect, maltreat and use the women that they have been blessed with. That however isn’t the touching part. I started to think about the women in these situations. The virtuous woman, the praying wife and the enduring girlfriend.

How is this relevant to Valentine’s Day? Well honestly, it isn’t but, I’m going to make it relevant…I hope. According to the picture, these men don’t care and truth is, the women already know this. Despite the ill treatment and the pain and the buildup of hate, disgust and regret(I’m assuming here), the women stay. They stay to fight. Stay to conquer. Stay to cry in hope that one day, laughter will wipe away their tears. Most importantly, they stay to love a lot more than they hate. If women in unbearable situations (which I do not approve of) still stand for and believe in love, then it must be real. Hmm.

I actually came here to condemn this emotion that humans are so quick to associate themselves with. I was so eager to rat out my hate for the idea of love. Couldn’t wait to find a way to connect love with lies, caring to ignorance and happiness to self deceit. I was more ready than ever but, I got told something once by my support system at the time (4 years ago). He said sitting beside me, in front of a pole ‘if I got asked which was more real to me; this pole right here that we can both see and love, I would always choose love. Such deep words coming from a 15 year old. I was completely taken aback.

I understand that this thing called love may not work out for half of us. At least it’s real and we could all have a shot at it. If and when it goes sour, just pour it down the sink like you do with your milk. I’ve heard of adventurous love, captivating love, reckless love and one that has recently been used on me by my warrior of a friend…calm love. I have a spirit young as the new born’s, a heart the diameter of the earth and the mind of an adventurer. I cannot wait till the day I get to experience all types of love. The day I fall hopelessly and stupidly in love, fiddle around a bit in the mess that I painfully fell in, wrap myself up in a dark corner, transition into an even more beautiful creature and fly right out of the love hole that I fell in with my new wings. Sounds painful but I believe there’s no reward in loving if you have no pain or regrets or lessons learned.

I found a quote by Daphne Rae about loving until it hurts
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
I like the idea of the absence of hurt. Imagine not feeling pain, an all too familiar feeling for me. I’m beginning to sound naive.

Now it is common fact that it’s very painful to wait for something that isn’t waiting for you. So, I hope that the beautiful soul I’m waiting to fall deeply in love with is sitting somewhere anticipating the day they get to fall just as hard for me. I pray the same for my amazing readers…Amen?

I’ve always hated the 14^th of February since day one. I wouldn’t wish anybody happy nothing. Once I got wished happy valentine’s day by someone I emotionally hurt in a bad way. I should have believed then but, I didn’t think too much about it. Last year, I wore all black. Also got pestered by some guy that I couldn’t care less about while I was nonexistent for that day by the person I believed I fancied…haha petty boys, always trying to find ways to not spend the little money that they don’t have and I personally don’t need. This year, for the hopeless women that still believe in love, I too have become a believer. I’m even going to look forward to the beautiful flowers and romantic box of chocolates that I will be surprising myself with next week.

I’m going to end this with a line from drake’s rap in fireworks. He said
“I want to witness love, I never seen it close”
Must be a beautiful thing to experience so, I’ll try again. First try, second try, third try, BLISS. Right?

Love,
Hopelessly romantic and naive A
x

January 29, 2014January 23, 2018

100 Truths.

Hi my lovies,

So I’m currently listening to Whisky Lullaby which is so far the deepest song I’ve heard this year hence, my best song yet. My best song is probably of no interest to anyone but at least, that’s one thing you know about me, A. Talking about things you know about me, I came across 100 truths on my baby girl’s blog and it seemed like a nice thing to do for myself while i come up with another emo post for my lovely readers. I’m going to assume my lovely readers have missed seeing my all so amazing posts and summarize my reasons for abandoning my blog for so long. Lately, writing has been one of the most difficult things to do. I had exams to study for, a nonexistent social life to sort out, a relationship to possibly terminate and my spiritual life to revive. So, my mind has been too busy to think of anything miserable to write. Although my posts give cause for people to believe that my life has been conquered by depression, I’m usually overjoyed or at least remotely happy when I write my posts. So, writing in a depressed state doesn’t really work for me. Anywayyyyy…

100 truths

Last beverage – Capri Sonne (if this is considered a beverage)
Last phone call – Nana Skye
Last text message – Tomi
Last song you listened to – Whisky Lullaby- Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss
Last time you cried – I wish I could say ‘last year’ but, a few days ago

❤️Have you ever
Dated someone twice – Nope
Been cheated on – Quite uncertain about this one
Kissed someone – Yes
Lost someone special – Too many times
Been depressed – Not particularly
Been drunk and threw up – Nope

Favourite colours – Purple and Black

Have you
Made new friends – Depends on how you choose to define the word ‘friend’
Fallen out of love – Haven’t fallen in love to start with
Laughed until I cried – Yes
Met someone who changed you – Said person influenced my views on life experiences in general. My values and priorities included and, maybe, that changed the person that I was.
Found out who your true friends were – You can never be completely sure about things like this but, I believe so
Kissed someone on your friend’s list – Don’t know what this means
How many people on your friend’s list do you know in real life – same as above
Do you have any pets – 5/6 dogs that I’m afraid of
Do you want to change your name – Nope
What did you do for your birthday – Clubbing with the amazing group of people that I call my friends + I went for a dreamboys show in London with my girlfriends

What time did you wake up today – 7 am…had a paper at 9
What were you doing at midnight last night – Attempting to cram all the enzymes involved in photosynthesis and respiration

Name something you cannot wait for – I can’t choose between finally becoming a surgeon and finally being sure of the person I’ll spend forever with
Last time you saw your father – On the 9th of January
What is be thing you wish you could change about your life – My inability to be satisfied(I always think of how much better things concerning me could be)
What are you listening to right now – With you – Chris Brown
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – Nope
What’s getting on your nerves right now – My lack of talent in the vocals sector
Most visited webpage – sheffield.ac.uk / iroko.com / whatever new link 1channel has now

Facts
What’s your name – A.
Nicknames – Akusweets
Relationship status – In a relationship with my bestfriend and the love of my life
Zodiac Sign – Sagittarius
High School – Lekki British International High School
College/University: The University of Sheffield

Hair Colour – Black
Long/medium/short – Short
Height – 5″7 (I dont actually know tbh, but, that sounds tall enough)
Do you have a crush on someone – Lol
What do you like about yourself – The things that my mind conceives
Home town – PortHarcourt
Tattoos- Nope
Righty or lefty- Righty

Firsts
First surgery – None
First relationship – 18
First best friends – Hmm
First sport you joined – Basketball
First pet – My baby ‘trixxie’ who was actually a male dog despite his name
First vacation – England
First concert – Never been to one
First crush – Biology

Right Now
Eating – Nothing
Drinking – Wonderful natural enzyme solution
Already missing – My carefree years
I’m about to – Look for food to ingest
Listening to – Tshirt- Shontelle
Thinking about – How to surprise my baby on the 14th of February
Waiting for – a miracle

❤️Your Future
Want kids – 4 beautiful and blessed kids
Want to get married – To my bestfriend
Careers in mind – Surgeon

❤️What you prefer in the opposite sex
Lips or eyes? – Eyes
Hugs or kisses – Both
Shorter or taller – Way taller
Older or younger –Older

Romantic or spontaneous- Both
Nice stomach or nice arms –Nice character over all
Sensitive or loud –Sensitive but, willing to be loud if need be
Hook-up or relationship – Relationship
Troublemaker or hesitant – A bit of both

Have you ever
Drank hard liquor – Yes
Lost glasses/ contacts –Nope
Had sex on 1st date – Nope
Broken someone’s heart – Lol apparently, I have
Had your heart broken – Lol it’s not so much about being heartbroken but, about being angry at somebody that I believe I love
Been arrested – Nope
Turned someone down – Lol more times that deserve
Cried when someone died – Yes
Liked a friend that’s of the same sex – Nope

Do you believe in
Yourself – Not in the slightest way
Miracles – Yes
Love at first sight- Love is a new concept that I’m still trying to grasp so, maybe attraction at first sight but, definitely not love
Heaven – Yes
Santa Claus – Nigerian parents can’t let this happen
Kiss on the first date – Depends on the person
Angels – Yes

Is there one person you want to be with right now – Nope
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend – hmm
Wish you could change things in the past – No, it’s because of my past that I have become the person that I am now and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way
Are you posting this as 100 truths – Yes

Love,

January 2, 2014April 7, 2014

2014 Ey?

I thought I was going to start this post with ‘new year, new me, beginnings’ or ‘this has been the best year of my life so far’ or ‘2013 was good, time to move into an even better year but, I couldn’t bring myself to lie on the last day of 2013(I wrote this last year). If the year ended right before summer, maybe I could have gotten away with any of the above statements but, I have actually had the worst December of my life so, it’s hard to look passed it.

Now a lot of people are hopeful for the new year and the new experiences that they think they would have. Hmm, I have a few words to say about that. The world does not reset every 365 days. The misfortune that you were experiencing yesterday on the 31st of December will not go away just because it’s a new year. Nobody will become a new creation once the beginning of the new year is at site.
Change does not happen that swiftly. The tables don’t turn around because your calendar says it is the 1st of January so, can we stop with the impossible resolutions?

In life, we are given so many new beginnings, so many chances to start afresh. In high school, there were three terms; 3 opportunities to ascertain your purpose at that point in time. In between each term, we had a week’s break. A week to think of how to bounce back and kick education’s ass. So, that’s 6 new beginnings, 6 new opportunities. Regardless, we as humans succeed in resisting change. How then is it possible to change because of the new year? I started my semester in October so, I had the whole of summer to set goals, have an idea of how to organize myself, build up the character that I considered more attractive in the developing world but guess what? Round of applause for that beautiful guess, stranger. I hardly changed any aspect of my life. I couldn’t do it over the summer because learning, as well as character building is progressive.

The person that you are now is a reflection of your past experiences. Your character, organization, ability to work hard didn’t appear in one day. You need experience to change your situation. Losing the person you loves because of your nasty attitude, getting below what you consider acceptable because you didn’t work hard enough, becoming close to suicidal because of your antisocial nature. It’s experiences like these that kick start the will to change. Now I said ‘the will to change’ so, even if you had one of the above encounters on the 31st of December, you won’t be a changed person in the new year.

I feel like my posts are incomplete without chipping in a bit of my nonexistent love life. So, during the course of my love journey in 2013, I had quite a number of encounters. It’s not nearly as serious as you think it is so, get your head out of the gutter. Despite my other adventurous encounters, I only acknowledge two associates. By associates, I mean people that managed to spark my interest in one way or the other. My heart goes out to the other associates that were unfortunate enough to come across a girl like me. I’m an evil person and I don’t deserve happiness, I know. So, back my associates, I was going to write about this but I have the tendency to write too much so, I’m going to list three songs signifying the lag, log and death phases of each. Now, of course you have to listen to the songs or you won’t understand anything.

Associate 1)
One in a million
Simply amazing
Fire bomb

Associate 2)
Find a way to my heart
Once in a lifetime
Energy

So, now that I have summed up my excuse of a love life in 6 different songs, we can now conclude that A(me) is one of the saddest people in the world tormented by her past experiences. That’s one way to look at it and I could beg to differ however, I made up my mind to not try to convince anybody of anything. I will not try to prove anybody wrong or try to justify my actions or give anybody a reason to continue to associate themselves with me. If certain friendships are meant to be, they will without doubt, continue to be. It’s exhausting when you channel all your energy into trying to be somebody else’s perfect something. None of that my lovies, none of that.

I just realized I never actually talked about how 2013 was for me. Despite all the things I’ve typed above, it was quite nice to be honest. I could even dare to say it was amazing. I met so many awesome people, I got to do things that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I discovered how different members of the society could be (in a way that I can’t really speak of haha). I moved accommodation three times. I finally overcame the mediocre feeling I thought I’d have forever. I tried out new experiences. mostly bad ones but, I learned from them…I think. I also tried the one thing I’ve been running away from for the past 20(football age) years of my life…I tried a relationship haha. Like real life commitment and actual emotions involved which really isn’t the person that I am but, at least it taught me a few things. I was genuinely happy with the person that I was and the person I was striving to be. it didn’t matter what anyone else thought but, i was happy…for half of the year at least. I learnt so much last year, it wasn’t even real.

I read my baby, Dolly’s blog the other day and she mentioned something about finally being inlove. I have never been any more happier for anybody before. I love to see people that believe they are in love, I love to see people get married to their life partners, I love to see people overcome the obstacles that relationships bring and sometimes I hope that one day, ‘people’ will be me and somebody but, not to worry now. I’m still happy for all you lovey dovey boy loving girls out there. I might end up like my Dolly baby one day but, until then, it’s me and my Jesus.

So, I said I learned a lot and this is the part where I jot down a million life lessons but, I’ll restrict it to 7 in no particular order.

1) You will always be a hoe

Now I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this word be used to describe a human being. So, I’ve concluded that everybody (guys included) is a hoe. I mean this word has been used in the same sentence with girls that are virgins, girls that have a body count of one as well as girls that have gone round the whole of England. I have looked up the meaning of this word and I’m honestly waiting for the day the definition goes from being ‘a woman that is too loose in the booty’ to ‘every type of woman’. There are people that don’t know you, people that don’t know anybody that knows what your boobs feel like or how your lips taste or, anything f that sort. but, they still stand up and confidently call you a hoe lol. I just laugh because I find stupidity quite funny.

2) There’s no such thing as trust

Really speaks for itself.

3) Your friends over most things

My friends made the most part of my year. There are times where i want to breakdown and cry and one of my retarded friends decide it’s time to pay A a foolish phone call..gbam..there goes my will to breakdown. Especially towards the end of last year, I had my friends show me that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was. I know most people believe your family should come before your friends or something similar to that but, you don’t choose your family, you don’t decide to love your family, you don’t cut members of your family out just because they’re weighing you down. So, you’re forced to learn to accept them but, you can do these to your friends so, the few you have left are actually the closest things to your heart. We’re brought up to love our family by default regardless of what they do and frankly, that doesn’t make much sense to me. I have cousins that are just a part of my family and cousins that I genuinely love because they’re my friends as well. That’s why I believe people say that we should get married to not only someone that we love but, to our bestfriends.

4) People will always see you in the same light

Never ever ever embark on a journey to change anybody’s perception of the person that you are. It is honestly a waste of your time and effort and resources. Instead of thinking of ways to appease anybody, think of ways to be happy with yourself.

5)Think before you leap

One of the worst feelings in the world is regret. I regretted going anywhere near the a-level college that I attended and it really messed me up for a while. So, think before you leap. Weigh the pros and cons. How much regret will you feel if things didn’t work out? A lot? then don’t be stupid. I am not one to regret anything that I choose to do. I either learn from it or get irritated when people try to remind me of it or, forget about it and move on. Never stay in a corner wallowing about your regrets.

6) Happiness is a choice

For the better half of 2013, I was probably the happiest person alive. Nothing could kill my vide for more than a second. I will be hurt for a bit and then, choose to eliminate the source of my hurt just so I could be happy. Be it a place or a memory or a person, I’d eliminate it from my day to day life. Then during the worst half of the year, I began to notice agents of unhappiness. i would dwell on statements and actions and circumstances that chewed away the happy side of me and this is where number 7 comes in…

7)Jesus over everything

My Jesus is King. Amazing amazing amazing. Now, I believed that in order to completely be carefree and enjoy my 2013 the way I wanted to, I needed to eliminate Jesus from my life. I stopped praying, I only just went to church on the 31st of December but guess what, Jesus didn’t go anywhere. I went on my knees with hate in my heart and tears in my eyes and I spoke to my creator one day. I said to him, ‘Jesus, please tell the devil to stop using me for bants’. Asked him to take the hate away and bring back my usual happy disposition and it happened. Now, I’m just Ray Charles to everybody’s bullshit. Jesus over everything because, he will always be there. He will always want the best for you. He will always care and love and cherish you as his child. Lastly, Jesus will never judge you for your mistakes.

Happy new year everybody. I pray that the places you choose to find love in will benefit you in more ways than one. My hope for the new year remains the same every year and, that it that I continue to be a better in every aspect of my life.

Love,