A. – Page 21 – Akunna Ezekwem

August 9, 2013January 23, 2018

Fall In Love.

Fall in love with that person
The one who isn’t perfect for you
But brings joy to your world
Your source of happiness
The one you’d rather die with, your sword
Fall in love with imperfection

Fall in love with the lullaby that puts you to bed at night
The vibrations emanating from the lips that you so desperately want to kiss
The breath of air after every word
Their contagious laugh
Fall in love with sound waves

Fall in love with your bestfriend
Your doppel ganger, your optical isomer
With the yay’s and nay’s that you both strongly believe in
The similarities that you both share
The understanding that you both have
Fall in love with the differences

Fall in love with the familiar set of eyes
Your secret entrance to dreamland
The pair of eyes that make you flicker, make you nervous, make you smile and make you feel wanted
Fall in love with your escape route to paradise

Fall in love with the person who gives you a reason to close your eyes at night and wake up come sunrise
One who would hold you when your eyes transform into a water fall
Your personal comedian, your earthly rock
Fall in love with your support system

Fall in love with someone who’s beautiful on the inside
Fall for his personality
Because we know that vanity is vanity
And at the end of the day,
All this physical beauty will fade away
Fall in love with your emotional connection

Fall in love with the hands wrapped around your waist
The perfume that lingers in the air
The heat radiating from him/her
The beautiful voice used to confess their love for you
The fingers through your hair
The rose petal lips on your skin
Fall in love with the quiet moans

Fall in love with someone who’s slowly falling in love with you too
It’s hard to figure out
But, you can’t keep hiding something that’s true
Someone who’s in love with your faults.
In love with your angels as well as your demons.
Fall in love with the person that makes you fall in love with yourself.
Fall in love with who I’ve fallen in love with….
Fall for the love of my life

Love,
A
x

July 30, 2013January 23, 2018

Half.

He takes my hand and I only hold on half as tight

He gives me a reason to smile but, I only smile half as wide

I tell him I love you but, with only half my heart

Laughing at his jokes but, my laugh is only half as loud

He seems lost in my eyes but, I’m only half as lost

I should be thinking about him but, he only occupies half my thoughts

I need to be on the other side but I’m only half way through

I ought to be completely immersed in the man of my choice but, I’m only half way in

Selflessly and hopelessly in love but, I’m only letting go of half my emotions

When reality takes its troll and the bitter truth hurts, I promise I’ll only give up half my tears

Not because I’m a girl but because I’m A. A hopeless romantic who has taken so many unfruitful shots at love. A saint who has now become a dark creature of irreversible damage. A timid character who has been faced with disappointment, rejection and unwarranted embarrassment. I can only let go half as much because I’m scared that just maybe, the past could reoccur and I wouldn’t have any form of defense set up for my defeated soul.

Love
A
X

July 15, 2013January 23, 2018

Semi-Personal.

Roses are red,
The color of violets doth differ.

Sugar is sweet,
And a slight taste of you was all I hoped to encounter.

He was the chosen one,
And I, the seeker.

Attended to my needs,
I had found myself a bartender.

Hiding my emotions used to be an easy mountain to climb,
But this time, the slope was a little bit steeper.

I plunged into the pool of emotions,
No surprise, I’ve always been a diver.

I thought of the situation,
Became quite the analyzer.

I had to be insensate,
Had to be eager.

But every time he smiled,
I smiled a little bit longer.

And the words he spoke,
Sank in a little deeper.

I’m trembling with fear,
Writing my resignation letter.

I might have been a badbitch,
Today however, I’m giving up on that career.

Because despite the fact that He had fallen,
I knew deep down that I fell a lot faster.

Love,
A
X

July 10, 2013July 10, 2013

Hey lovies

Hey beautiful people,

I was going to come here and drop one of my famous sad poems/write ups and run away but, it’s different this time. I’ve managed to meander through the past few weeks of misery. Uncovered some dark truths and discovered that a lot of people happen to take me as a big fool…an olodo. It’s unfortunate that I’m letting it get to me. I have learned that sometimes, you think that you know someone but in reality, you’re as incorrect as incorrect gets. For some reason, I feel like certain people don’t think I deserve to be happy lol. It’s a pity really because regardless of what they may eventually manage to take away from me, I’d still be happy. My loss will be unfortunate but, for the little that I would have left, I’ll forever be overjoyed.

My previous paragraph doesn’t particularly have anything to do with anything. I just thought I should put it out there. I really came on here to

1) Address the people that have decided to show sympathy towards me concerning my previous post

2) Apologize for keeping my beautiful readers waiting for so long

3) Kill time which by the way, I do not really have

Soooooooooo, here we go

1) This is actually quite funny. For those of you that didn’t read my last post, it was basically about this girl that for the first time ever, gave in completely to her feelings. She fell hopelessly in love with a renowned young man and believed that the love that she felt was being requited. However, this was far from the truth. After being rejected in what she considered the worst way ever, she decided that it was time to disappear permanently. She committed suicide and all this happened on the 8^th of May.

This girl was not me. I am currently typing this and I can physically interact with the objects around me, I am breathing, I am smiling, I am laughing so, it’s pretty obvious that I am still alive. On the other hand, the character in my previous post is dead. I am not heartbroken. I am not suicidal. I am not the promiscuous girl that will bring shame to my lover’s family name.

It’s quite cute how I’ve gotten little ‘A are you okay?’ messages. I’ve also had a few ‘If he thinks you’re not good enough then, he doesn’t know what he’s losing’ texts. Lol…how nice. I have a lot of posts on here and, if all of them were about my current life then, my life must really be sad don’t you think? Anyway, it’s not about me but, thank you for your concern.

2) How can I apologize for not entertaining people? Lol. I’ve actually had a lot of work to do lately. It’s summer and everyone is too busy wasting their lives but, I have a lot of work to do on myself and on certain relationships that I have with a selected proportion of the population.

Apparently, I’ve changed all I have to say about that is that my situation is changing not me in particular. There are so many events occurring simultaneously and time is moving too fast. In between trying to keep up with the series of queer events and stopping myself from becoming a completely different person, there’s hardly any time to think let alone, write for the general public.

3) Haha this was such a pointless point.

This is probably the most boring post ever on my blog but, I promise, I’ll put up something soon. I’m in a happy mood this week for some reason so, it’ll be hard to write something miserable

See you in a few hours

SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 🙂

June 17, 2013August 2, 2017

The 8th Of May.

June 3, 2013January 23, 2018

The Plan.

The plan was to leave for a day
Flee from my sorrow
It didn’t quite work that way
Because I’m here eagerly awaiting tomorrow
I’d say I miss you but, I don’t
I want to tell you how it is
But, my words always stay stuck in my throat
An hour away
And I still can’t keep my thoughts of you at bay
A few kilometers apart
And I am unable to drown my misery in a pack of jammy tarts
I’m looking through my phone book for your number
I would call but, what I want to say to you…I fail to remember
There’s good music playing
Beautiful boys overflowing
However, all of these matter not
Because there is only one man
and after him, I sought

Love,
A
X

May 30, 2013January 23, 2018

Just Like The Rain, I Have Been.

It’s been raining every second, every hour, every day
Wet, miserable and gloomy all year
Just like the rain, I have been
My map to the land of happiness, I have scrapped and thrown in the bin
I was only ever cheerful in my dreams
The storm is almost over, so it always seems
I knew deep down that this was a reality and I didn’t give a damn
I had to adapt to this so, yesterday in the flood, I swam
Just like the rain, I have been
I am aware that my misery truly comes from within
I feel alone, odd, isolated
For the past few years, I’ve been nothing but underrated
Today however, for the first time in a decade
There’s a small patch of light at the end of my formerly dark passage
A part of me wants to scream out and celebrate my joy
And the other half just wants to sit in the dark reminiscing over perfect little Roy
But you know what they say
‘Make hay while the sun shines’
Or in my case,
‘Cultivate any form of vegetation for as long as the dim illumination at the end of this dark passage decides to go out and diminish any form of hope that you ever had leading to nothing but bastardisation’
The rain might represent my life right now
But now doesn’t last till forever and that’s what this poem is about
Eventually, the sun will come out
So instead of wallowing in the rain all because of one man
I’ll anticipate the sun so, in it I can tan
Just like the rain, I have been
But I have to be strong because I know this battle won’t end until I win.

Love,
A
X

May 23, 2013January 23, 2018

The Exception.

I’ll never say those words to anyone
Never ever
Without a heart, I was born
It was believed that I couldn’t care
I’d signal for the boys to come over
But, they wouldn’t dare
It took me years
And the moment was finally here
Swept me off my feet
Disintegrated the walls which encompassed my semi-damaged emotion centre
He came, he saw
And not only did he conquer
But he made me too a conquerer
I’ll never say those words to anyone
My weak self proclaimed
However I am certain that I have changed
I’ll never say those words to anyone
Unless that anyone becomes someone that my heart sought after
‘I love you’
I blurted out without thinking
‘but how?’ He unassertively asked
‘I love you like the trees love the sun rays. Towards you, I would like to grow and mature. Positive phototropism, I think it’s called’
*silence*
‘I love you like the spring rocks love….’
*silence*
And then I realized
‘Never say those words to anyone’ was the rule
I guess I’ve found myself the exception

Love,
A
x

May 12, 2013January 23, 2018

My Running Away Experience.

Last night, I ran away
Slipped out from next to him
and decided I couldn’t stay

My heart was beginning to die
Beginning to decay
So I had to flee
I couldn’t wait till May

I’m out here roaming these streets
Confused about where to go
However, I cannot retreat
I hate to admit it but I feel incomplete

There’s a deserted alley
Quiet, dark but, very dirty
I’m cold, I’m hungry
In a state of dismay and thirsty

Three thirty Aunty meridian
Two more hours until it’s bright
I need to force myself to sleep
I need to let go of this fight

One last hour left and I’m wide awake
Restless because of the absence of the usual playlist
A few of the songs that I really miss
Reminds me of the first time we kissed

One night without a list of the familiar songs
Seemed nothing but fervently wrong
I’ve been fooling myself all along
It’s obvious that beside you is where I belong

Running away seemed legit
But it’s been two hours
And I believe that I can’t make it
I long to return, if you so permit

Love,
A
x

May 7, 2013January 23, 2018

Love St.

I’ve stumbled across the streets of love

Confused, dumbfounded, totally taken aback

How did I get here?

Where do I turn to?

Wish I could just disappear

As I walk the path of love, I fail to comprehend

Why this lonely lane never ends

I don’t know what to do or how to act

I know love changes people

And brings about queer decisions

As I parade this route of love

I know I should turn around and leave

But if I never experience this now,

I might never get the chance to

I’ve come face to face with the streets of love

And I only hope that for once, we happen to be on the same path

I’m never sure about matters of the heart

So, I always have one foot in and one foot out

I’m not sure how this new phenomenon came about

With two feet in, I roam the love track

Frantically searching for my other half

The part of you I thought I saw

That’s the part of you

That I want to be true

I’m prowling this deserted passage of love a little further

But you’re nowhere to be found

I’m getting worried and my heart’s beating a lot faster

If you happen to perambulate these same streets

Give me a ring…if you still have my number

I’m casually but carefully strolling through this terrace called ‘love’

There’s music playing in the background

A few of them unknown, a few of them renowned

They’re all slow and full of meaning

Reminds me of the other night

A few hours before I wandered into these peculiar streets

I have set foot into the street of love and I feel alienated

I feel naked but far from exploited

I want to try this, I want to be committed

I might not win the position but at least, I’ve been nominated

I’ve discovered the love avenue

And ‘I swear by the moon and the stars and the skies’

That ‘I’ll come and I’ll give without taking’

I don’t want us to be ‘two hearts living in two separate worlds’

While I meander through this boulevard of love

I have become selfless, careless, restless, directionless

Everything but, fearless

But I came here for a reason

So, I guess this is the time, the exact season

I’m almost at the end of this love street

I know now that I can no longer retreat

I’ve put myself out there; it’s no more a secret

I pray that just maybe, you could be waiting for me at the end of this path

Love,