A. – Page 24 – Akunna Ezekwem

January 24, 2013January 23, 2018

Day 1 Current relationship status. Discuss this single life.

I have a feeling people are interested in my reply to this question only because I always write about ‘my love’. Hmmmm. Now who exactly is my love? Some guy I’m obsessed with or my boyfriend? Is A in a relationship? Does she even fancy the idea of commitment? Does she have the qualities of a girlfriend? Does she have potential suitors? Is she a victim of unrequited love? Is she too unattractive to captivate the attention of any of the boys she has encountered? Is she a lesbian? Is she really a girl?! Why am I talking about myself in third person? Omg omg I know something that you don’t know. Unfortunately, you’ll find out in the next few paragraphs so, you’ll know exactly what I know and, this wouldn’t be fun anymore 😦

I had to glance up at the title again to be sure that this post actually answers the question. I happen to be an expert at going off point in almost everything I write. Essays, blog posts, cards, even when I’m speaking. Funny enough, I’m beginning to go off point again.

So I’m on my 3rd paragraph and I haven’t answered the question *glances back at title*. I happen to have a distinct relationship status. For normal people, you’re either in a relationship or single . To me, that sounds like ‘you’re either in bondage or lonely and miserable’ and, I am neither to be honest. I’m actually a bit of both which makes me special. Not crazy or weird but, special. I am in a relationship with someone who isn’t really aware of our relationship. This way, I’m off the market but, I’m not in bondage. At the same time, I’m semi-single. I’ve got the beeeeest of both worlds jenebdksjsu then I rock out the show. Yurrrr. All you have to do is like someone that’ll never return the favour. It’s simple really.

I have a feeling a lot of you have now concluded that I am a nut case and, I don’t blame you. However, if you knew me you’d know that I’ve been yarning dust in the past 3 paragraphs. I am single and ready to mingle with all the beautiful boys in the world.

This is the part where I’m supposed to discuss the single life and the reason why I made up all that nonsense in the beginning. I’ll tell you a secret now…I have been single all my life so, I can’t really “discuss the single life”.But, shh don’t tell anyone cause more often than none, it pushes boys away. No one wants a jjc(Johnny just come AKA a learner) in the relationship sector. It’s almost like making a fresh graduate the MD of a company.I’ll just tell you about my life. An example of the single life.

Being single allows me to do anything I like, whenever I like and with whoever I like. I can shake hands with whichever boy I want to(I don’t really mean shake hands btw ^_^), go partying in the middle of the night and ‘gnird’ all the boys in the club if I fancy, Flirt flirt flirt. It’s ridiculously fun. Whoo! Being single removes the guilt that is almost always present when talking to people of the opposite sex. I could have a few boys on my case, probably leading them on but, still flirting with another hot mixed race boy and, I wouldn’t feel guilty one bit. The plan is to have as many ‘runzers’ as possible. I’m single right? Why limit yourself to like only one boy? Why flirt with only one boy? Why go out on dates with only one boy? Why kiss only one frog? Why restrict yourself? People in relationships believe that single people are having the time of their lives so, we might as well make it seem like we are. Go single people! We are great, oh yes we are! Me, I’m having fun sha I don’t know about the rest of you.

However great I have made my single life seem, there will always be setbacks, cons, disadvantages. The thing is, I love my single life up until I start liking someone. It is only then that I begin to notice all the cute couples on the street and long for my very own emotional rock. Someone to lean on when I’m weak. Someone that’s more than just my friend. Someone to call whenever I like. Someone I can kiss any and everywhere. Someone to call me his. Someone I can call mine. Someone I am sure about. Someone that makes me laugh when I’m miserable. Someone I want to talk to about all my never ending problems. Someone older to always look out for me. Someone to help me grow emotionally. Someone smart that could bestow upon me his knowledge. Someone that I’ll be scared of losing. Someone that knows me and loves me regardless. Someone I know and love unconditionally. Someone, anyone. I am all for love. In love with the idea of being in love. It’s crazy really. I’ll begin to want dates and deep conversations and flowers and chocolates and strawberries and champagne and slow music and bare skin contact and hot baths and rose petals and hardcore mmmmm. I’m starting to fantasise now.

The point is, despite the fact that I have failed to experience life in a relationship, I still yearn for the romantic gestures. I long for the life of commitment. I dream of arguing with the love of my life and running back to apologise for fear of losing him. I want to leave my single life behind but, I am overcome by a fear of the unknown. I don’t know if that’s why the single people reading my blog are still single, I can only speak for myself. I also don’t know if I have answered the question in the title. I doubt that would shock any of my frequent readers though. But, I have managed to summarize how my single life really is. I cannot compare or contrast between the single life and life in a relationship because I’ve never had the nerve to jump over that single-relationship fence or, walked through the doors of love and commitment. I’m not sure if that’s bad or not. I mean, I’m not 20 yet so there’s still plenty of time to look for husband (I’m beginning to sound like my mum with all this husband talk). The single life is the only life I’ve ever known, it’s what I’m used to so,can’t let it bother me.

Now, I have to work on ‘Day two’ hmph

Love,
Ever Single A
X

January 23, 2013January 23, 2018

The Blurry Future.

I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know if it’s right
My future is beginning to look like an abstract painting
With no definite outline
No ultimate description
Just a few ideas and the whole world claiming to have an opinion
I was so sure
Not bothered a bit about the inescapable pressure
It was either this or nothing
No maybe’s, no what if’s
No trying and no falling
It’s a year too late
But my life, I have to reevaluate
Weigh my options
Pros and cons,
Yays and nays
Advantages and disadvantages
A few months too late and I haven’t made my choice
Unwilling to let go of my previous ‘dream’
What would the world say?
“She gave up. She wasn’t determined. She wasn’t focused. She lacked the necessary qualities. She just wasn’t smart enough”
I need to ignore the world and do what I want, just this once
I’m confused and just plain sad
The solid pillars which once supported my faith are shaking
That’s not what I want but there’s naught I can do
I only pray that someone out there can convince me to believe that I’ll make it through

(No time for proper punctuation)

Love,
A
X

January 23, 2013

This One’s For @D_Akitoye

I found this on my lovy’s blog a few weeks ago and I absolutely loved it. It seemed like a fun thing to do…something to keep me writing for 30 whole days. 30 days?! That’s commitment y’know. Guess who’s scared of commitment. Yup, Me, Aku, Kunaa, A, Omo Igbo, Icecream lover. So, I honestly doubt I’ll be able to do this for 30 days straight but, I promised Dolly that I will start and finish it for her. There might be interval posts but, I’ll do it till the very end.

I wasn’t going to start until next month but, a lot of the posts that I have waiting in line to be published are a bit too similar. I’m afraid the spirit of writer’s block is slowly coming upon me but, I rebuke it. Dite ‘amen’ s’il vous plait. I’m hoping this will allow me to broaden my thoughts a little bit and maybe even allow me to write new posts about topics other than love and hurt and infatuation. A deep and passionate writer is what I am though so, that doesn’t appear plausible *fingers crossed*. I’d like to assume my readers actually admire the way I write despite the topic.

I’ll start tomorrow. I know, I know, you want me to post it now ’cause you love to read the things that I write. I don’t want to keep you waiting but, I need time to actually think of what to write y’know. Just thought I should give you beautiful people a mini introduction to the 30 day writing task which I am about to embark on.

Love,
Committed A
X

January 17, 2013January 23, 2018

You’re A Girl – By @mizzleBW

You’re a girl,

You are strong.

Strong enough to smile when you don’t mean it

Strong enough to have that special twinkle in your eyes even when your heart is crying out

Strong enough to hide your very complex emotions

all in the attempt to avoid hurting the feelings of those that you love

and that boys’

Someone who will never have the slightest clue about your affections for him.

You’re a girl,

You are sweet.

Sweet enough to be concerned

Sweet enough to make everyone’s sorrow your sorrow

Sweet enough to care so much about the most irrelevant things

You pay so much attention to the little things that he says

Read meaning into those random statements that me makes

You assume because you want it to be true, to be real, to be requited

You’re assigning emotions to someone that you care about

Someone who will never return the favor.

You’re a girl,

You are brave.

Brave enough to take a leap of faith

Brave enough to not take the consequences into consideration

Brave enough to risk all that you have

mind and body, blood and heart

All for the miniature probability of happiness

happiness which belongs not to you but to that young mister

Someone who would never appreciate it.

You’re a girl,

You are affection

You are a long list of never ending emotion(s)

You are the tingling sensation that couples feel when they are together

You are the original product of love.

Why?

Because you were born from it. Carved from pillars of emotions, ever so deep and ever so positive

You will always be underestimated, unappreciated, mistreated, misplaced and misunderstood

you will cry yourself to sleep each night to hide the deep pain that lingers through your soul

You will wake up, come morning, putting on that same big and bright

but, also fake and meaningless smile like nothing ever happened

Because people can’t see beyond your seemingly joyful face and into your bleeding heart

But, that is what you require to be a girl.

You’re a girl

And in the end, it’s not about being strong, sweet or brave

those are very minor traits of what you really are

It’s about an ability

and it hurts me to know that it is one which is terribly underrated

It’s about a never ending process,

Your constant ability to (G)row (I)nto (R)eal (L)ove

You are a GIRL.

MixMix

January 17, 2013

Before MixMix’s Post.

So I have this friend and he’s very much taken. Regardless of that, he’s like my very own Haven. I’d run to him in times of trouble. Always there to support me, whatever the obstacle. To you, he’ll be known as Mr Mix. And my next post is something he’s put together for me at his own risk. This isn’t a poem so, I’m not sure why I’m rhyming.

Anyway, I’ve known Mr Mix for five years and, we’ve only been friends for 3 years. It’s quite funny how we began. Very long story but, I’ll summarize it in one sentence. Joblessness, free midnight calls, heartbreaking insults, 3 year ten girls and a phone. We were young and foolish. I’m actually shocked that Mr Mix and I are still friends because usually, I stop talking to people after a year or two. I have a problem with keeping relationships and I ain’t even proud. Marriage looks like a long thing right now but, that’s for another post.

I’m just going to give a brief introduction about him. So, MixMix is going to be the best economist ever. He and yinky are in a relationship which btw, I am very jealous of. He’s just amazing really. That’s all you need to know about Le Mix for now.

A few days ago, we had mini competition. It was about who could wash/flatter the best. I cannot compliment someone to save my life while mix on the other hand, can wash for Africa. I said something really pathetic and he replied saying

“Your type is scarce Aku

We all know that

Maybe it’s because you’re so good with words

Intelligence and creativity in one girl

Beautiful to the very core of the meaning of that word

Oh wait ‘it’s a strong word’ you said. Humility precedes you

Now I believe you’re stronger than this word’

All I could manage to say after that was ‘Haaaaaaay ‘ then, I gave up lol. It wasn’t even a fair battle. For that, I forced him to write something for my blog teehee I’m such a bully. The way he puts words together just dumbfounds me and I’d love to be able to do that one day.

His post is about girls in general. Not every girl but, a good number of girls. Their qualities and weaknesses. As well as the challenges that they face on a daily basis. About secrecy and failed attempts and love for that unattainable mister. It’s about my female readers, female friends, female acquaintances and myself. It reminds me so much about a post I wrote for my other blog called ‘hi I’m a girl’ http://www.slavetomyemotionss.blogspot.com/2012/10/hi-im-girl.html but a lot less personal with fewer words + it’s just better and I like it more. Soooooo, keep checking up on my insecurities and co because you’ll never know the day nor the time nor the hour when I’ll post Mixxy’s piece. It may be today or tomorrow or next week. It’s the first post on my blog that wasn’t written by me so, it should be interesting for you wonderful people.

Love,

January 11, 2013January 23, 2018

My Imaginary Walk Back Home.

It’s dark, it’s quiet,

It’s lonely and, for some reason, I really need the toilet.

I’m walking back home, accompanied by my lover,

We’re running like fools,

It’s freezing because this isn’t summer.

Laughing at the top of my voice,

I need not laugh but, I’ve made my choice.

Talking because it’ll be awkward if we don’t.

Smiling because…why are we smiling?

I am fully aware of my reason for smiling but, his?

It’s pretty casual,

Nothing so unusual.

I feel pressure around my waist,

It’s his hands, I feel like all my efforts have not gone go waste.

This is just an act of kindness to him,

However, to me it’s an event that initiates fireworks in my rock hard heart.

If only he knew how I felt,

What these few minutes meant to me.

Attraction? Lust? Obsession?

Not really sure but, we’ll call it love by convention.

In almost a second, I’m stood my door,

I don’t want it to end; I need him a little more.

We say our goodbyes and he walks away,

I feel like I’ve found the perfect man but, he’s kept me at bay.

Love

January 4, 2013January 23, 2018

Just A Few Thoughts.

I thought about the brutal winter weather

The cold, merciless Sheffield wind

The slight trembling movements that my fingers made

My misery and how it will eventually fade.

I thought about the crowded streets

Young adults with lectures to meet

The morning skies, a bit too bright, a bit less cloudy

My walk past Mapping Street, Engineers are way too rowdy.

I thought about my 5 inch high, thick African curls

My cream colored coat, dark tights, beautiful pair of pearls

My vintage leather boots that didn’t cost me a dime

My anxiety to get to my 9am class right on time.

I thought about pushing past people, struggling to get through

About eventually crossing the street

Looking for my reflection in the window of a parked car

But, only managing to see the back seat.

I thought about the random guy on the other side

Staring at me like I was a freak show

About why he was staring and what he hoped to find

About him asking to talk to me, not like I would mind.

I thought about how this random guy was you

The way people don’t meet but, meet in the weirdest way

The fact that a day before, I had fake hair on

And how me being noticed would have been a fantasy long gone.

I thought about you yesterday

It’s 2:30 am and, I’m thinking about you today

So, I’m sure as hell going to think about you tomorrow

It doesn’t matter that we’re now in different boroughs.

I thought about you

I thought about us

About what we may become

Then, I thought about facing ice cold rejection.

All of a sudden, I thought about nothing

And then I concluded that I was sleeping

Because it is only in my dreams that I cannot choose

To think about my very beautiful mister,

The one that made me forget about my numerous ‘boos’

Love,

January 4, 2013January 23, 2018

2013 Yoooooo!

Hey beautiful people,

It’s your girl, A and I’m here to give you another one of my long mushy posts. I apologize for abandoning my blog for a while (let’s assume you noticed) but, I just had a lot going on and, I needed time out.

Merry Christmas, merry boxing day, merry day after boxing day, merry last day of 2012, happy new year, happy day after the new year, happy birthday, happy anniversary, congratulations on your new baby. Feel free to reply to whichever concerns you. I also want to take time out to give a S/O to everyone that made it past the supposed end of the world.

So, it’s a New Year and, people are deceiving themselves making New Year resolutions. That shit never works out for me y’know. Last year, my New Year resolutions were to abstain from boys till I’m 20, flee from alcohol, turn party invites down, stop laughing too much and to get a bikini body. Ha. I laugh. Ha Ha. I laugh again. Guess what my resolutions are this year…yup, the exact same things. That’s only because none of them happened last year. God help me. I hope you keep to your own resolutions.

People are starting to go crazy ‘cause it’s a chance to turn over a new leaf, start afresh, be focused. I’m only happy about this year because, last year was burning sulfur (Hell) for me. I actually fell apart for the first time and, I could never bring myself to tell anyone the full thing. It hurts to remember. For Christmas, I asked Santa/God(whichever you fancy) to give me hope for a better year ahead because I lost all the hope I had within me last year. Eventually, I’d see it as a thing of the past. I can only hope for the best ey?

I have a few words to say regarding 2013. It’s not one of my usual rhymey rhymey indirect poems about love and hurt and the person that I fancy. Okay, it might be but, just a little bit. Why is your face like that? You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to y’know?

It’s a new year
A time for new beginnings,
New friendships and,
New relationships in general.
A new attitude towards work and
The people that I dislike.
A chance to take a leap of faith,
Do something out of the ordinary,
Confess my love to my very sexy mister,
Kiss on the boulevard,
And live my life the way I want
Regardless of what “they” might say.
It’s the same old me
Just a little bit redefined.
I have the opportunity to become the person
That I have always wanted to be,
The perfect coursemate, flatmate,
Friend, best friend, girlfriend
And most of all, the perfect daughter.
Meet new people, set new p’s
Have a new outlook on life and relationships.
Same old blog, new characters
I’d use the same set of words,
The same alliterations and puns and euphemisms
Same repetitions, rhymes, idioms
The same style of writing
It’s the same sort of emotions
Love, hurt, lust, pain, rejection
But, my Mister/Lad/Him/You
is brand new.

Love,
A
x

December 27, 2012January 23, 2018

Elevator Business.

I’m on the first floor trying to get to the third

I’m stood in front of the lift and for some reason, I am scared

Taking the fast route

There’s a pain in my ankle solely due to the tightness of my boots.

In a matter of seconds, the lift doors open up

I mean to walk in but, my legs can’t move

Calm yourself baby girl

It’s an elevator not a rollercoaster.

It’s the second floor and the voice in the elevator announces it

Confused, I hit the number ‘3’ a couple more times

But regardless, the doors remain wide open

Why am I here? This isn’t the floor that I had chosen.

With desperation in my eyes, I stare into the camera

Hoping that the spirit of the elevator will permit me to skip this floor

The camera stares back at me ignoring my silent plea

Why won’t this worthless piece of work listen to me?!

With all the courage left in me, I make my way to the opening of the elevator

I’ve been meaning to step out, meaning to face my fears

Meaning to walk up the next two flights of stairs

But, I can’t.

I peer out through the heavy silver doors and there it is

The peculiar door, lucky number __

The familiar scent from a few days before

Unwanted memories cloud my thoughts

I’m overcome by the feeling of nostalgia

This isn’t where I want to be or how I want to feel.

So I’m stuck on the second floor

There’s nothing I can do, no emergency door

I need to deal with this

Face my biggest fear

My heart beats faster as I draw near

I’m not sure what to do next but, I know I cannot remain in here.

Love,

December 17, 2012January 23, 2018

Author: A.

Day 1 Current relationship status. Discuss this single life.

The Blurry Future.

This One’s For @D_Akitoye

You’re A Girl – By @mizzleBW

Before MixMix’s Post.

My Imaginary Walk Back Home.

Just A Few Thoughts.

2013 Yoooooo!

Elevator Business.

My Mini Battlefield.